Subject: Death (Page 17)

I don’t want to die in the middle of the football season; I have to know who’s No. 1 in the last polls.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator

We think he’s dead, but we’re afraid to ask.

I'd rather be fishing.

(c.1962 – 1987) American convicted murderer

They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance!

(1813 – 1864) American teacher & Union Army general in the Civil War

If your time ain’t come, not even a doctor can kill you.

The report of my death was an exaggeration.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Life is pleasant, death is peaceful; it’s the transition that’s troublesome.

(1920 – 1992) American science and science fiction author & professor

I'd hate to die twice. It's so boring.

(1918 – 1988) American physicist

I need no doctor. I can overcome my own troubles.

(1808 – 1875) 17th U.S. President

You know how you're going to die, you just don't know when.

comedian

Death is an acquired trait.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

I’m always amazed to hear of air crash victims who have to be identified by their dental records. If they don’t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

(1957 – ) is an English comedian, writer & actor

Oh that press will have me now!

(1809 – 1892) Poet Laureate of the United Kingdom

Vancouver! Vancouver! This is it! This is…

(1949 – 1980) American volcanologist & government surveyor

A candidate could easily commit political suicide if he were to come up with an unconventional thought during a presidential tour.

(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist

Death is nature's way of saying, "Your table's ready."

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven't said enough!

(1818 – 1883) German philosopher, economist, sociologist & socialist

Now I will show you how an Italian dies!

(1968 – 2004) Italian security officer

Dammit… don't you dare ask God to help me!

(1905 – 1977) American actress

Electrocution: Burning at the stake with all modern improvements.

Born in a hotel room, and Goddammit, died in one!

(1888 – 1953) American playwright