Subject: Definitions (Page 34)

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Life: A play with a lousy third act.

Definitions Life

Self-esteem: An erroneous appraisement.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions

Sanitation Worker: The title conferred on garbage men when they  started earning more than public school teachers.

Definitions Occupations

Genealogy: Chasing your own tale.

Definitions Family

Infant Prodigies: Young people with highly imaginative parents.

Children Definitions Family

Sympathy: What one woman offers another in exchange for details.

Definitions

Wrinkles: Something other people have… you have character lines.

Appearance Body Definitions

Litigant: A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Government Law

Forger: The man who gives a check a bad name.

Definitions

Road: A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Autos Definitions Things Travel

Loquacity: A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Conversation Definitions Language Speech

Argument: A discussion that occurs when you’re right, but the other person hasn’t realized it yet.

Definitions

Accident: When presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.

Accidents Definitions Problems

Golf: A long walk broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.

Definitions Golf Sports

Bigamist: A man who keeps two himself.

Definitions Marriage

Experimental psychologist: A scientist who pulls habits out of rats.

(1904 – 1974) American author & radio producer
Definitions Occupations Wordplay Work

Class Reunion: A gathering where you come to the conclusion that most of the people your own age are a lot older than you are.

Age Definitions

Twice: Once too often.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Situations

Ignoramus: A person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself, and having certain other kinds that you know nothing about.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Intelligence Wisdom

Key Ring: A handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.

Definitions Things