Subject: Definitions (Page 71)

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Cantaloupe: Gotta get married in a church.

Definitions Marriage

Sterilize: What you do to your baby’s first pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it on your shirt.

Definitions Family

Monument: A structure intended to commemorate something which either needs no commemoration or cannot be commemorated.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Genius: One who can do almost anything except make a living.

Definitions Intelligence

Adam’s rib: the original bone of contention.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Definitions

Noise: Earitation.

Definitions

Double Jeopardy: When your doctor calls in a consulting physician.

Definitions Doctors Health

Innocent Bystander: A person so simple-minded he doesn’t know enough to get out of the way.

Definitions

News: The same thing happening today that happened yesterday, but to different people.

Definitions

College: A four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.

Definitions Education School

Shoplifting: Free enterprise.

Conflict Crime Definitions

Specialist: A doctor whose patients are expected to confine their ailments to office hours.

Definitions Doctors Health

Caffeine: One of the four basic food groups.

Definitions Food/Drink

Conservative: A liberal who has just been mugged.

Beliefs Definitions

Adam’s Rib: The original bone of contention.

Definitions

Job: A state of employment everyone wants but few look forward to on a Monday morning.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Quality Control: The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.

Definitions

Fanatic: A man who does what God would do – if He only had the facts straight.

Definitions

Bliss: Having no idea what is really happening.

Definitions

Good Sport: One who will always let you have your own way.

Definitions

Dieting: The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.

Definitions Food/Drink