Subject: Definitions (Page 74)

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Censor: A person who sticks his noes into other people’s business.

Definitions

Fishing: A venerable contest in which modern man pits his intelligence and technology against the native wit of primitive aquatic vertebrates, and generally finishes second.

Activities Definitions

Accordion Music: Noise that comes from playing both ends against the middle.

Definitions Entertainment Music

Astronomer: Night watchman.

Definitions Occupations

Foreword: An author’s apology.

Books Definitions

Business: Something which, if you don’t have any, you go out of.

Definitions

White Lie: Aversion of the truth.

Beliefs Definitions Honesty Lies Truth

Spouse: Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

Definitions Marriage

Brassiere: A bust stop.

Clothing Definitions

Good Breeding: That quality that enables a person to wait in well-mannered silence while the loudmouth gets the service.

Definitions

Vegetarian: Indian word for bad hunter.

Definitions

Asylum: A refuge where unusual people are protected from the world.

Definitions

Forty: The most difficult age for a woman to pass; it often takes years.

Age Definitions

Husband: A polygamous animal in a monogamous strait-jacket.

Definitions Marriage

Wedding Ring: A one-man band.

Definitions Marriage

Cemetery: An isolated spot, usually in a suburb, where mourners swap lies.

Definitions

Bureaucracy: A system that enables ten men to do the work of one.

Definitions Government

Destiny: A tyrant’s authority for crime and a fool’s excuse for failure.

Definitions Future Time

Birth Control: Evasion of the issue.

Definitions

Education: One of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

Definitions Education

Bridge: A game which gives women something to try to think about while they are talking.

Activities Definitions Games