Subject: Definitions (Page 74)

View All Definitions

Husband: A polygamous animal in a monogamous strait-jacket.

Definitions Marriage

Recursion: If you still don't get it, See: Recursion.

Definitions

Expert: A man from another city, and the farther away that city is, the greater the expert.

Definitions

Disrespect: Giving someone half of the peace sign without suggesting they’re number one.

Definitions

Convent: A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the vice of idleness.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions

Ventriloquist: A man who never speaks for himself.

Communication Definitions Speech

Babysitter: One who accepts hush money.

Definitions

Cuddling: An act of warmth and affection that a husband will inevitably interpret as foreplay.

Definitions

Cravings: An excuse to gluttonize your way through pregnancy.

Definitions

Positive Thinking: self-improvement through self-deception.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Intelligence

Taste: (female Interpretation): Something you do frequently to whatever you’re cooking, to make sure it’s good;   (male Interpretation): Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad, prior to tossing it out.

Definitions Men People Women

Fishing: A delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.

Activities Definitions

Exhaustion: Sufficient cause for the hospitalization of a celebrity – the normal state of existence for the rest of the working world.

Definitions

Underwater Swimmer: One who practices submersive activitites.

Activities Definitions

Bachelor: A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.

Definitions Men People

Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Individuals Language

Intellectual: A guy who can keep his mind on a book at a beach.

Definitions People

Anatomy: Something that everyone has, but it looks better on a girl.

Appearance Body Definitions

Cleavage: Something which excites disapproval in everyone but the audience.

Body Definitions

Maps: The shorthand of geography.

Definitions

Fountain pen: A writing instrument that works marvelously in the store.

Definitions Things