Subject: Definitions (Page 75)

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Rhetoric: Language in a dress suit.

Definitions Language

Silicone Treatment: The bust that money can buy.

Appearance Body Definitions

Snoring: Sheet music.

Definitions Sleep Wordplay

Girdle: The difference between fact and figure.

Appearance Body Clothing Definitions

Job: A place where you work just hard enough to avoid getting fired while getting paid just enough to avoid quitting.

Definitions Work

Hospital: A place where people who are run down wind up..

Definitions

Acoustic: An instrument used in shooting pool.

Definitions

Stock Market: A popular game of chance in which moneyed speculators gamble with the nation’s economy, the object being to amass as much unearned income as possible before one’s fellow gamblers withdraw from the game and precipitate a nationwide depression.

Definitions Money

Accrue: People who work on a ship.

Definitions

Scotsman: A man who, before sending his pajamas to the laundry, stuffs a sock in each pocket.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Frugal Money People

Dorito Syndrome: Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content.

Definitions Food/Drink

American Language: English run over by a musical comedy.

Communication Definitions

Conservative: A liberal who has just been mugged.

Beliefs Definitions

Piano: A parlor utensil for subduing the impertinent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Entertainment Music Things

Experience: Something you don’t get until just after you needed it.

Definitions

Elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author
Animals Definitions

My definition of a redundancy is an air bag in a politician's car.

(1931– 2012) American actor, producer & director
Definitions Government Politicians

Zoo: A pleasant and instructive wildlife park, lately denounced for depriving animals of their right to starve or be eaten alive in their natural habitats.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Animals Definitions

Taxidermist: A man who mounts animals.

Animals Definitions Occupations

Blushing: The color of virtue.

Definitions

Tact: The art of saying nothing when there is nothing to say. 

Definitions