Subject: Definitions (Page 8)

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Fern: A plant that you’re supposed to water once a day, and when you don’t it dies, but if you do it dies anyway, only not so soon.

Definitions

Brain: The apparatus with which we think we think.

Body Definitions

Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction.

Definitions Health

Ignoramus: A person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself, and having certain other kinds that you know nothing about.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Intelligence Wisdom

Belong: To take your time.

Definitions

Niagara Falls: The bride’s second great disappointment.

Definitions Places Sex

Fashion: A make-work program to get women to buy new clothes for no real reason before the old clothes wear out.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Vuja de: The feeling you've never been here.

Definitions

Tolerance: Another word for indifference.

Characteristics Definitions

Retraction: The revision of an insult to give it wider circulation.

Definitions Insults

Lawsuit: A contest generally won by the party that can afford to reimburse the lawyers on both sides of the dispute.

Definitions Law Lawyers

Acme: Spots on the top of your head.

Definitions

Revolutionary: An oppressed person waiting for the opportunity to become an oppressor.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Sprouts: Innocent green plants snatched in their infancy and devoured alive by ravenous vegetarians.

Definitions Food/Drink

Imagination: What puts men in asylums unless they are crazy enough to put it down on paper or canvas.

Definitions

Sterile Solution: Vasectomy.

Definitions

Delta: A river with its mouth full of mud.

Definitions

Consultant: Someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Definitions

Kiss: A course of procedure, cunningly devised, for the mutual stoppage of conversation when words are superfluous.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Definitions

Toupée: Top secret.

Appearance Definitions Hair

Desk: A dangerous place from which to view the world.

Definitions