Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Emotions
(Page 7)
Absence makes the heart go wander.
Proverb
Emotions
Love
Proverbs
Absence
I know what love is ‘cuz’ I watch talk shows… love is the end of happiness!
Danny DeVito
(1944 – ) American actor, director & producer
Emotions
Love
TV/Movie Quotes
As Louie De Palma in “Taxi”
Your picture's in my wallet and I'm sitting on it – if that isn't love I don't know what is.
Larry Linville
(1939 – 2000) American actor
Love
As Frank Burns in TV’s “M*A*S*H”
Picture
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Groucho Marx
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Emotions
Things
Women
Cigar
Occasional pleasure
Smoke
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
Joan Rivers
(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Emotions
Happiness
Money
If you can eat anything you want to, what’s the fun in eating anything you want to?
Tom Hanks
(1956 – ) American movie actor
Eating
Emotions
Food/Drink
Happiness
Fun
Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.
Anonymous
Emotions
Love
Sex
If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
Lily Tomlin
(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer
Communication
Emotions
Love
Speech
Answers
Question
If I could drop dead right now, I’d be the happiest man alive.
Samuel Goldwyn
(1879 – 1974) film producer
Death
Happiness
Misspokements
Speech
Drop dead
I’m afraid of sharks – but only in a water situation.
Demetri Martin
(1973 – ) American comedian
Animals
Fear
Sharks
People who say that money can't buy happiness just don't know where to shop.
Kathy Lette
(1958 – ) Australian author
Emotions
Happiness
Money
People
Shopping
When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me.
‘Carrot Top’
Matt Thompson (1965 – ) American comedian
Emotions
Laughter
Occupations
Work
Comedians
Comedy
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Emotions
Language
Love
The only really happy folk are married women and single men.
H.L. Mencken
(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Happiness
Bachelors
Married women
Single men
Those who have some means think that the most important thing in the world is love; the poor know that it is money.
Gerald Brenan
(1894 – 1987) British writer
Emotions
Love
Money
People
Wealth
There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.
Kevin James
(1965 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Emotions
Food/Drink
Happiness
Pizza
This weekend I pulled a muscle in my cheeks trying to smile.
Richard Lewis
(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions
Smile
Love is an emotion experienced by the many and enjoyed by the few.
George Jean Nathan
(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor
Emotions
Love
We have nothing to fear but fear itself… and of course the boogieman.
Pat Paulsen
(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Emotions
Fear
Boogieman
As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.
Dave Barry
(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Emotions
Fear
Dracula
Tetanus shots
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Death
Emotions
Happiness
Laughter
Life
Funny
Sadness
Page 7 of 23
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