Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Entertainment
(Page 35)
Abstract Art: The proof that things are not as bad as they are painted to be.
Anonymous
Art
Definitions
Entertainment
Abstract art
Sometimes cameras and television are good to people and sometimes they aren’t; I don’t know if it’s the way you say it, or how you look.
Dan Quayle
(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Communication
Entertainment
Misspokements
Television
The museum boasted owning the original version of Beethoven's unfinished basement.
Steve Connelly
comedian
Entertainment
Music
Places
Basement
Beethoven
Bond smoked like Peter Lorre, drank like Humphrey Bogart, ate like Sydney Greenstreet, used up girls like Errol Flynn… then went to a steam bath and came out looking like Clark Gable.
Harry Reasoner
(1926 – 1991) American television journalist
Entertainment
Film
People
James Bond
You know the really great thing about television? If something important happens, anywhere in the world, night or day… you can always change the channel.
Christopher Lloyd
(1938 – ) American actor
Entertainment
Television
TV/Movie Quotes
As Jim Ignatowski in “Taxi”
I don’t like to watch golf on television because I can’t stand people who whisper.
David Brenner
(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author
Golf
Speech
Sports
Television
Whispering
When he was held up by a robber who demanded, "Your money or your life?" Jack's silence while he thought it over was the funniest thing never said on radio.
George Burns
(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Entertainment
Jack Benny
Radio
Silence
Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.
Steve Martin
(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Entertainment
Comedy
I used to be a mime…. but now I can talk about it…
Stewart Francis
Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication
Entertainment
Occupations
Speech
Work
Mimes
Argentina invaded the Falklands because they had ESPN and the Argentines wanted to get the late scores.
'Beano' Cook
(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Entertainment
Sports
Television
ESPN
My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too.
Peter De Vries
(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Entertainment
Television
Radio
The problem with women in an orchestra is that if they’re attractive it will upset my players and if they’re not it will upset me.
Thomas Beecham
(1879 – 1961) English conductor
Appearance
Entertainment
Music
People
Women
Orchestras
They don't make 'em too big for this business.
Tempest Storm
(1928 – ) American stripper, burlesque star & actress
Appearance
Body
Entertainment
Breasts
Burlesque
Remember you are just an extra in everyone else’s play.
Franklin D. Roosevelt
(1882 – 1945) 32nd U.S. president
Acting
Entertainment
Life
She stopped the show – but then the show wasn't traveling very fast.
Noel Coward
(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Acting
Communication
Entertainment
Reviews/Criticism
Theater
Not nearly as exciting as it would be if I were acknowledged as one of the greatest lays in the world.
Maureen Stapleton
(1925 – 2006) American actress
Acting
Entertainment
Sex
On how it felt to be recognized as one of the greatest actresses in the world
When having my portrait painted I don’t want justice, I want mercy.
Billy Hughes
(1862 – 1952) Australian Prime Minister & politician
Art
Entertainment
Self
Portraits
Nowadays Mitchum doesn’t so much act as point his suit at people.
Russell Davies
(1946 – ) British journalist & broadcaster
Acting
Reviews/Criticism
Of Robert MItchum
Parsifal
is the kind of opera that starts at six o'clock; after it has been going three hours, you look at your watch and it says 6:20.
David Randolph
American choral conductor, director, teacher & radio host
Entertainment
Reviews/Criticism
Time
Written by Richard Wagner
All music is folk music; I ain’t never heard no horse sing a song.
Louis Armstrong
(1901 – 1971) American jazz trumpeter and singer
Entertainment
Music
Folk music
Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
George Carlin
(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Dance
Entertainment
Intelligence
Music
Sanity
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