Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Entertainment
(Page 35)
One time, my own father caught me watching a porno movie… the one thing you don’t want to hear in that situation is, ‘Son, move over.’
Dave Attell
(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Entertainment
Family
Fathers
Sex
Pornography
If a thing isn’t worth saying, you sing it.
Pierre-Augustin Caron de Beaumarchais
(1732 – 1799) French playwright, inventor, musician & diplomat
Entertainment
Singing
Accordion Music: Noise that comes from playing both ends against the middle.
Anonymous
Definitions
Entertainment
Music
Accordion Music
My husband went to Radio Shack and got some
dog ears
for the TV.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Television
Rabbit ears
I always ask the sitter if they want truth or flattery; they always ask for truth, and I always give them flattery.
Ruskin Spear
(1911 – 1990) English painter
Art
Entertainment
On painting portraits
Kind of like the difference between making love and masturbation, I’d say.
Susan Sarandon
(1946 – ) American actress & activist
Acting
Entertainment
Responding to the question “What to you is the difference between stage and film?”
I don’t like this reality television, I have to be honest… I think real people should not be on television; it’s for special people like us, people who have trained and studied to appear to be real.
Garry Shandling
(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Entertainment
Television
Reality television
Football isn’t a contact sport, it’s a collision sport; dancing is a contact sport.
‘Duffy’ Daugherty
(1915 – 1987) American football player and coach
Dance
Football
Sports
An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to
The William Tell Overture
and not think of
The Lone Ranger.
Dan Rather
(1931 – ) television newscaster
Music
Intellectuals
Snobs
God is good, but never dance in a small boat.
Proverb
Dance
God
Proverbs
Things
Boat
When an opera star sings her head off, she usually improves her appearance.
Victor Borge
(1909 – 2000) Danish-born comedian & pianist
Appearance
Entertainment
Music
Opera
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Emotions
Entertainment
Film
People
Work
Sadness
The notes are right, but if I listened they would be wrong.
Eugene Ormandy
(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist
Entertainment
Misspokements
Music
Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny.
Frank Zappa
(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director
Entertainment
Music
From “Be-Bop Tango”
Jazz
The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.
Frank ‘Kin’ Hubbard
(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Communication
Entertainment
Listening
There are two reasons why I’m in show business, and I’m standing on both of them.
Betty Grable
(1916 – 1973) American actress, dancer, singer & pin-up girl
Appearance
Body
Entertainment
Legs
Art is anything you can get away with.
Andy Warhol
(1928 – 1987) painter, printmaker & filmmaker
Art
Entertainment
I like to hold hands at the movies… which always seems to startle strangers.
Tom Rhodes
(1967 – ) is an American comedian & actor
Entertainment
Situations
Movies
The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums.
Peter De Vries
(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Art
Entertainment
Food/Drink
Murals
Museums
Restaurants
[The First Wives Club] had strong American values: divorce, alcoholism, plastic surgery and revenge.
Bette Midler
(1945 – ) singer, actress & comedian
Entertainment
Film
American values
I know this music from memory, not from the music.
Eugene Ormandy
(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist
Entertainment
Memory
Misspokements
Music
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