Subject: Family » Children (Page 8)

I Heart My Little A-Holes

Book Titles Children

Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator
Age Children Emotions

How to Traumatize Your Children

Book Titles Children

1. Giving away baby clothes and furniture is a major cause of pregnancy. 2. Always be backlit. 3. Sit down whenever possible.

Children Family Murphy’s Laws

Does [life] begin at conception, or does it begin when the baby is an embryo? … anybody with children knows [it] don’t begin ’til they can pay their own damn bills.

(1963 – ) American actor & stand-up comedian
Children Family Money

A three-year-old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Activities Age Animals Children Young

My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Children Family People Self

SPIT HAPPENS

Children Family Signs

Out of the mouth of babes… usually when you’ve got your best suit on.

Children Family

We've had bad luck with our kids… they've all grown up.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist
Age Children People

I like going to the park and watching the children run and jump around, because you see, they don't know I'm using blanks.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Arms Children People Things

Baby: Morning caller, noonday crawler, midnight bawler.

Children Definitions Family

You can learn many things from children… how much patience you have for instance.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Children Education Family Learning

I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory… an empty gin bottle.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Appearance Children Clothing Family

I had an advantage – I slept with his mother.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Children Family Football Mothers Sports

I would like to give these kids a good home; in fact, there’s one a few miles away from here…

(1957 – 2008) American comedian & actor
Children Family

I’m from Chicago, but I pay child support in Seattle; I’m just kidding – I don’t pay child support.

(1975 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Age Children Family Marriage Places

It is only rarely that one can see in a little boy the promise of a man, but one can almost always see in a little girl the threat of a woman.

(1824 – 1895) French writer
Children Girls People

The best time to give advice to your children is while they’re still young enough to believe you know what you’re talking about.

Beliefs Children Family Intelligence Opinion

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn’t because parenting can be learned only by people who have no children.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Children Family Parents

Every child has a right to go to high school and end up with a third grade education.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Children Education Learning School