Subject: Family (Page 3)

I never met a kid I liked.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children Family Relationships

Babies awaken slightly disoriented, with a look that's half Angel and half Lost Tourist.

(1957 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Children Family

I used to walk into a party and scan the room for attractive women; now I look for women to hold my baby so I can eat potato salad sitting down.

(1957 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Children Family

Everyone talks about dead-beat dads; what about the kids who just aren’t worth the child support?

American comedian & writer
Children Divorce Family Marriage

Teaching wasn’t that bad – except for the kids.

comedian
Children Education

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Children Family Fathers

When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Children Husbands Marriage

I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible… and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.

(1909 – 2000) Danish-born comedian & pianist
Children Family Parents Success

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Children People Places

Trying to get a little kid dressed is like gift-wrapping an octopus.

American writer
Appearance Children Clothing Family

You know how growing up we all had that voice inside our head that tells us we’re not good enough? Well, mine was outside my head driving me to school.

(1970 – ) American actress
Family Mothers People Self TV/Movie Quotes

Never underestimate the determination of a kid who is time rich and cash poor.

(1971 – ) Canadian blogger, journalist & science fiction author
Characteristics Children

My mother and father were really so poor they couldn’t afford to have any children, the lady next door had us.

(1933 – 1998) comedian & actor
Family Parents

The time not to become a father is eighteen years before a war.

(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist
Family Fathers Time War

My mother always told me I wouldn’t amount to anything because I procrastinate; I said ‘Just wait.’

(1956 – ) American entertainer & comedian
Characteristics Family Mothers

My mother could make anybody feel guilty – she used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Characteristics Family Mothers

I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father; he said he wanted more proof.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Fathers People Self

It's better to go when you have to go – than to go and find you've already gone.

Children Murphy’s Laws Travel

Did you ever meet a mother who’s complained that her child phoned her too often… me neither.

(1946 – ) British actress, columnist & comedian
Children Communication Family Mothers

With the birth of a child you lose two novels.

(1955 – ) Scottish writer
Books Children Communication Family Reading/Writing

My mother was like a sister to me… only we didn’t have sex quite so often.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Family Mothers Sex