Subject: Family (Page 33)

Children are smarter than any of us; cause I don't know one child with a full time job and children.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Children Family Intelligence

Twins: Infant replay.

Children Definitions Family

You know how growing up we all had that voice inside our head that tells us we’re not good enough? Well, mine was outside my head driving me to school.

(1970 – ) American actress
Family Mothers People Self TV/Movie Quotes

Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Children Communication Misspokements Mothers

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Appearance Characteristics Children Intelligence Religion Wives

I have two boys, 5 and 6… we’re no good at naming things in our house.

(1972 – ) Irish stand-up comedian, voice over artist & actor
Children Family Wordplay

Any kid will run any errand for you if you ask at bedtime.

(1913 – 1997) American comedian & radio & television host
Children Family

I was raised as an only child… which really annoyed my sister.

British comedian
Children Family

A child will not spill on a dirty floor.

Accidents Children

Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president, but they don’t want them to become politicians in the process.

(1917 – 1963) 35th U.S. president
Family Government Mothers Politicians President

We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill – “He wants his mother.”

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Children Family Fathers Mothers

I tell ya, it’s tough to save a buck. Right now I’m supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Money

My father was stupid; he worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Fathers Intelligence Situations Stupidity

My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor
Cooking Family Food/Drink Mothers

I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get somewhere.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Children People Situations Women

I feel like having a baby and having a dog are pretty much the same except for the part where your vagina gets ruined.

(1982 – ) American actress & comedian
Family

They’re all mine…. of course, I’d trade any one of them for a dishwasher.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Family

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child; she must be found and stopped.

(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist
Children Exaggerations People Women

I don’t know who my grandfather was; I’m much more concerned to know who his grandson will be.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Family

Never underestimate a child’s ability to get into more trouble.

(1943 – ) comedian & actor
Children Family

What ya eat ain't got nuttin' to do with how old ya are. That all depends on your ancestors. It's what they call a matter of heresy.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Family Malaprops