Subject: Family (Page 5)

My parents only had one argument in forty-five years; it lasted forty-three years.

American stand-up comedian, television writer & actor
Conflict Parents Relationships Time

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Children Family

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Age Children Family Parents

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Children Family Parents

I have a gold watch he [my father] sold to me on his deathbed; I wrote him a check for it… post-dated of course.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Death Family Fathers

All television is children's television.

advertising expert & editor
Children Entertainment Television

Having a holiday weekend without a family member felt like putting on a sweater that had an extra arm.

(1975 – ) author, screenwriter & actress
Family

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Children People

My two sisters’ idea of birth control is apparently a bottle of tequila and the rhythm method of Barry White.

American comedian & television host
Children Family

I was raised by my father; my mother left before I was born.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Family Parents

I know their mother… she'd give them all my plays.

college football coach
Family Football Sports

My kid wanted a BB gun for Christmas, I got him the BB gun and he gave me a sweater with a bull’s eye on it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Children Family

By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.

(1814 – 1882) American clergyman
Family Fathers Intelligence

Teacher: A disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.

Children Definitions Education

My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “Pick up, I know you’re there.”

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Children Communication Family

What's the advantage of having a kid at 49?… you can both be in diapers at the same time?

stand-up comedian
Age Children Old

Sh*t on my Hands: A Down and Dirty Companion to Early Parenthood

Book Titles Family

Heredity: The thing a child gets from the other side of the family.

writer
Definitions Family

Having kids is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.

(1943 – ) comedian & actor
Children Family

With my old man I got no respect: I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Fathers