Subject: Food/Drink (Page 30)

Men are simple things; they can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.

Diana Jordan American humorist & author
Beer Men People

You guys keeping up on that Jeffrey Dahmer thing, the guy that ate 17 people?… you know, I could understand one or two, but 17 – you're eating just to eat.

(1951 – ) American comedian & writer
Eating Food/Drink Situations

The tougher kind tastes like toenails, and the softer kind like the skin off the soles of one’s feet.

(1907 – 1973) poet & critic
Food/Drink

There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Food/Drink Time

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Cooking Eating Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

I like candy canes; they’re my favorite candy… but I only like the white part.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink

I had a piece of Carefree Sugarless gum and I was still worried; it never kicked in.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Characteristics Food/Drink

Acute Alcoholic: An attractive drunk.

Alcohol Definitions

Secretary: Someday you’ll drown in a vat of whiskey.

Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes

Oysters are supposed to enhance your sexual performance, but they don't work for me…maybe I put them on too soon.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Food/Drink Sex

Food consumed standing up always has ten times the calorific intake of food consumed sitting down.

Eating Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

Never order a drink where you get to keep the glass.

novelist, screenwriter & businessman
Food/Drink Situations

I’ve never been in a rotating restaurant, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round, I put her on it, and I gave her a burrito.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Eating Food/Drink Things

I don’t wanna die tomorrow knowing that I could have had a piece of chocolate cake tonight.

(1976 – ) American comedian
Eating Food/Drink

Sex is like death… only after death you don’t feel like a pizza.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death Food/Drink Sex

I’m a postmodern vegetarian… I eat meat ironically.

(1965 – ) English comedian, musician, actor & author
Eating Food/Drink

I love defenseless animals… especially in good gravy.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Food/Drink

One martini is alright, two is too many, three is not enough.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Alcohol Food/Drink

Men will cook if danger is involved.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Cooking Food/Drink Men People

Watermelon it’s a good fruit; you eat, you drink, you wash your face.

(1873 – 1921) Italian operatic tenor
Food/Drink

Never program and drink beer at the same time.

Alcohol Beer Computers Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws Things