Subject: Food/Drink (Page 8)

[My mother] is the only woman in the world who makes gravy with the Rolaids crushed right into it.

(1937 – 2014) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”
Cooking Family Food/Drink Mothers

My DNA is cheeseburgers.

(1949 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Eating Food/Drink Sports

‘Tis an ill cook that cannot lick his own fingers.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
Food/Drink

You gotta be a special kind of hungry to put something in your mouth that you get from a stranger on the streets of Manhattan, especially in Times Square, if you know what I mean.

(1960 – ) American comedian
Food/Drink Places

I don’t drink, I’m a totalitarian.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Alcohol Characteristics Food/Drink Misspokements

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Cooking Food/Drink

Isn’t there any other part of the matzah you can eat?

(1926 – 1962) actress, sex symbol
Food/Drink Misspokements

Since I had my gastric bypass surgery in 1998, I eat like a bird… unfortunately, that bird is a California condor.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Eating Food/Drink

Never order a drink where you get to keep the glass.

novelist, screenwriter & businessman
Food/Drink Situations

If you are allergic to alcohol… can you take shots for that?

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

Everything tastes more or less like chicken.

Animals Eating Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

Today I was arrested for scalping low numbers at the deli; I sold a #3 for 28 bucks.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink

The most dangerous thing about American food?… the portions.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Appearance Body Fat Food/Drink

Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie;’ he said ‘God beat me to it.’

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Appearance Body Food/Drink

Bread that must be sliced with an axe is bread that is too nourishing.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Food/Drink

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

(1952 – ) American writer & comedian
Animals Eating Food/Drink

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children Food/Drink Time

As a kid, I got three meals a day… oatmeal, miss-a-meal and no meal.

(1952 – ) American bodyguard & actor
Eating Food/Drink

Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.

Food/Drink Life Murphy’s Laws Time

There definitely needs to be water on the sidelines for these players, but I also had some Gatorade just in case they were allergic to the water or vice versa.

(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer
Alcohol Health Misspokements Sports

A luxury meal was prairie sandwiches – two slices of bread with wide-open spaces between them.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Eating Food/Drink Money Poverty