Subject: Government (Page 23)

Congress: A body of men who meet to repeal laws.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Government Language Law

Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions; conservatives feel they deserve everything they’ve stolen.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Government Politics

The first requirement of a statesman is that he be dull.


(1893 – 1971) American statesman & lawyer
Government Occupations Work

There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Government Work

No politician talks taxes during an election year.

Elections/Voting Government Murphy’s Laws Politicians Taxes

If you want to get along, go along.

(1882 – 1961) politician
Government

Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor
Elections/Voting Government Politicians

He'll doublecross that bridge when he comes to it.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Characteristics Government Insults

Ever notice how many government officials make their raises effective long before they ever are?

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Government Money

The question about those aromatic advertisements that perfume companies are having stitched into magazines these days is this: under the freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment, is smelling up the place a constitutionally protected form of expression?

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Government

When it comes to finances, remember that there are no withholding taxes on the wages of sin.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Government Money Taxes

Traffic congestion increases in proportion to the length of time the street is supervised by a traffic control officer.

Autos Government Murphy’s Laws

Legal: Used to mean lawful; now it means some kind of loophole.

Definitions Government Law

Those who beat their swords into plowshares will plow for those who don't.

Arms Government Military Murphy’s Laws

All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of the United States.

Appearance Government Hair Murphy’s Laws President

When an irresistible force meets an immovable object, an unethical lawyer will immediately appear.

Lawyers Murphy’s Laws

If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.

Military Murphy’s Laws

The one item you need is always in short supply.

Military

Judge: A law student who grades his own papers.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Definitions Law

Taxation: The process by which money is collected from the people to pay the salaries of the men who do the collecting.

Definitions Government Taxes

They're just jealous because they don't have three wise men and a virgin in the whole organization.

(1941 – ) Mayor of Providence, Rhode Island
Government Insults