Subject: Government (Page 40)

Government does not solve problems; it subsidizes them.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
Government Problems

In legislative bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as, “the honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur.”

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Government

Any military project will take twice as long as planned, cost twice as much, and produce only half of what is wanted.

Military Murphy’s Laws

If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Government People Women

If at first you don't succeed, call in an airstrike.

Military Murphy’s Laws

The one item you need is always in short supply.

Military

Jury: A body of twelve men selected to decide which of the contestants has the better lawyer.

Definitions Government Law Lawyers

It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Democracy Government

The difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Congress Government

Incoming fire has the right-of-way.

Military Murphy’s Laws

Despite his infirmities, Strom Thurmond showed up to work every day and did not miss a Senate vote in his final year, though no one is sure if a shouted “Bingo!” counted as a yea or a nay.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Government Politicians

He rules the country with an iron fist – the same way he plays the piano.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government People

If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.

Military Murphy’s Laws Problems

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings… and lawyers.

(1940 – 2005) comedian & movie actor
Emotions Government Law Lawyers Marriage

Military Expert: One who tells you what’s going to happen tomorrow – then tells you why it didn’t.

Definitions Government Military

If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Beliefs Elections/Voting God Government

I don’t want to know what the law is, I want to know who the judge is.

(1927 – 1986) American attorney
Government Law

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Government Occupations Taxes

I had the right to remain silent, but I had lost the ability to.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol Food/Drink Law

The Democrats have an answer to the unemployment problem; they're all running for the presidency.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government President

My definition of a redundancy is an air bag in a politician's car.

(1931– 2012) American actor, producer & director
Definitions Government Politicians