Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Friday, May 16, 2025
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Subject:
Government
(Page 40)
Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, they’ve seen me laugh, and they’ve seen me hug – the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo.
Bill Maher
(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Elections/Voting
Emotions
Government
George W. Bush
Tickle Me Elmo
Voting
Nobody can ever learn our military's secrets — unless, you know, they happen to have the Discovery Channel… then, it's pretty easy, just tune in for a few minutes.
Arj Barker
(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Entertainment
Government
Military
Television
Discovery Channel
Secrets
The two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a big fat white guy who is threatened by change.
Seth MacFarlane
(1973 – ) animator, writer, actor & producer
Animals
Government
Politics
Elephants
Republicans
Symbol
The politician is an acrobat; he keeps his balance by doing the opposite of what he says.
Maurice Barres
(1862 – 1923) French writer & politician
Communication
Government
Politicians
Politicians make strange bedfellows, but they all share the same bunk.
Edgar A. Shoaff
Government
Politicians
If it moves, salute it; if it doesn't move, pick it up; if you can't pick it up, paint it.
Army Law
Military
Murphy’s Laws
Saluting
In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.
Napoleon Bonaparte
(1769 – 1821) French general & politician
Government
Politics
Stupidity
These days, the only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other a liar.
Alfred E. Neuman
fictional mascot and cover boy of
Mad
, an American humor magazine
Characteristics
Honesty
Lies
Politicians
Truth
I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce.
J. Edgar Hoover
(1895 – 1972) American director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation
Government
Sex
Democracy: A small hard core of common agreement, surrounded by a rich variety of individual difference.
Anonymous
Definitions
Democracy
Government
1. If the facts are against you, argue the law. 2. If the law is against you, argue the facts. 3. If the facts and the law are against you, yell like hell.
Rule of Law
Government
Intelligence
Law
Murphy’s Laws
This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating.
George W. Bush
(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Government
Foreign policy
Frustration
What's black and white and brown and looks good on a lawyer? … a Doberman.
Mordecai Richler
(1931 – 2001) Canadian author, screenwriter & essayist
Animals
Dogs
Insults
Lawyers
Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some ordinance under which you can be booked.
Specht's Meta-Law
Government
Law
Murphy’s Laws
Robert Specht
Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.
Alfred E. Neuman
fictional mascot and cover boy of
Mad
, an American humor magazine
Elections/Voting
Government
People
Politicians
If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire; they're trained for that!
Milton Jones
(1964 – ) English comedian
Animals
Dogs
Government
Law
Police
Police dogs
An independent is a guy who wants to take the politics out of politics.
Adlai E. Stevenson
(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
Beliefs
Government
Opinion
Politics
Independents
Harry had won by such a narrow margin he might not have made it if Bess hadn't voted for her husband.
Bob Hope
(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Elections/Voting
Government
Bess Truman
President Harry Truman
Voting
1. In dealing with their “own” problems, faculty members are the most extreme conservatives 2. In dealing with “other” people's problems, they are the world's most extreme liberals.
Kerr-Martin Law
Beliefs
Government
Murphy’s Laws
Situations
Conservatives
Liberals
The best way to get a bad law repealed is to enforce it strictly.
Abraham Lincoln
(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Government
Law
Lawsuit: A contest generally won by the party that can afford to reimburse the lawyers on both sides of the dispute.
Anonymous
Definitions
Law
Lawyers
Lawsuit
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