Subject: Government (Page 46)

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Definitions Politicians

A man running for office puts me in mind of a dog that’s lost – he smells everybody he meets, and wags himself all over.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs Politicians

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Government Politicians Poverty

Untold Wealth: That which does not appear on income tax returns.

Definitions Government Money Taxes

A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

(1911 – ) American editor & writer
Government Occupations

A statesman is a successful politician who is dead.

(1839 – 1902) Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives
Government Politicians

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Government

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Government Language Law

Logic and taxation are not always the best of friends.

(1862 – 1946) American jurist & Supreme Court justice
Government Taxes

Look, we play the Star Spangled Banner before every game; you want us to pay income taxes, too?

(1914 – 1986) American baseball team owner & promoter
Government Taxes

Haven’t you noticed that every time the government f**ks up McDonald’s has a new sandwich?

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian
Government

In Washington, you can’t take friendship personally.

Government Politics Relationships

I've been in the Bible every day since I've been the president.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Books Communication President

It’s not the voting that’s democracy, it’s the counting.

(1937 – ) British playwright & screenwriter
Democracy Elections/Voting Government

He’s not technically a lawyer, but he’s got three court cases next week.

Lisa Lampanelli (1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Law People

They always throw around this term 'the liberal elite,' and I kept thinking to myself about the Christian right; what's more elite than believing that only you will go to heaven?

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Beliefs Government Politics Religion

If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be ineligible for any office of trust in the United States.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
America Golf Government Sports

Republicans have called for a National African-American Museum; the plan is being held up by finding a location that isn't in their neighborhood.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Government Politics

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress but I repeat myself.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Congress Fools Government Insults Intelligence

Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Communication Democracy Language Speech

Often times people ask me, 'Why is it that you're so focused on helping the hungry and diseased in strange parts of the world?'

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Government President