Subject: Government » Politicians

There are two impossibilities in life: “just one drink” and “an honest politician.”

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Alcohol Food/Drink Government Life Politicians

A statesman is a successful politician who is dead.

(1839 – 1902) Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives
Government Politicians

Despite his infirmities, Strom Thurmond showed up to work every day and did not miss a Senate vote in his final year, though no one is sure if a shouted “Bingo!” counted as a yea or a nay.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Government Politicians

Compared to the Clintons, Reagan is living proof that a Republican with half a brain is better than a Democrat with two.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Insults Politicians

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics Government Honesty Politicians

Republicans elect stupid leaders with brilliant staffs and Democrats produce brilliant presidents with stupid staffs.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Government Politicians President

Politics is the pursuit of trivial men who, when they succeed at it, become important in the eyes of more trivial men.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor
Government People Politicians

Fleas can be taught nearly anything a congressman can.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education Learning Politicians

A man running for office puts me in mind of a dog that’s lost – he smells everybody he meets, and wags himself all over.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs Politicians

I belong to no organized party… I am a Democrat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Government Politicians Politics Relationships

What is the difference between a Democrat and a Republican?… a Democrat blows; a Republican sucks.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Government Politicians

The mistake a lot of politicians make is forgetting they’ve been appointed and thinking they’ve been anointed.

(1900 – 1989) American politician
Government Politicians

Every politician should have been born an orphan and remain a bachelor.

(1912 – 2007) U.S. first lady, wife of Lyndon Johnson
Government Insults Politicians

If our politicians were better at pretending to get along, there wouldn’t be any war.

Conflict Government Politicians War

Statesman: An ex-politician who has mastered the art of holding his tongue.

Communication Definitions Politicians Speech

Bureaucrat: A Democrat who holds an office that a Republican wants.

Definitions Government Politicians

You don’t listen to a guy who looks like the kid in ‘Deliverance’ all grown up.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Beliefs Government Opinion Politicians

Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president, but they don’t want them to become politicians in the process.

(1917 – 1963) 35th U.S. president
Family Government Mothers Politicians President

A politician is a man who approaches every question with an open mouth.

(1770 – 1827) British statesman, politician & prime minister
Communication Government Politicians Speech

Politicians are wedded to the truth, but like many other married couples they sometimes live apart.

(1870 – 1916) British writer
Government Politicians Truth

Republicans believe every day is the Fourth of July, but the Democrats believe every day is April 15.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
Government Politicians