Subject: Health » Doctors (Page 3)

I was an ugly kid; when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Doctors Health

Optometrist: A person you have to see.

Definitions Doctors

Doctor: Someone who practices medicine but charges as if he knew.

Definitions Doctors Health

Doctor: The only man who hasn’t a guaranteed cure for a cold.

Definitions Doctors Health

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir.


(1608 – 1661) English churchman & historian
Doctors Health

He’s a fool that makes his doctor his heir.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Doctors Fools Health Intelligence

A psychiatrist is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Doctors Health

Psychiatrists: People with the same problems as anyone else, but with an accent.

Definitions Doctors Health

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places; he told me to quit going to those places.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Doctors Health Places

Double Jeopardy: When your doctor calls in a consulting physician.

Definitions Doctors Health

As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax… you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients, " but another kept reminding me, "Howard, you are a veterinarian."

Animals Doctors Health

An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.

Alcohol Doctors Food/Drink Health

An apple every eight hours keeps three doctors away.

Doctors Health Murphy’s Laws

My shrink gives me 75 per cent off if I make believe I’m someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Doctors Health

My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Doctors Exercise Health

Internship: A sleepless ordeal imposed on young M.D.’s for the purpose of weeding out the weak and infirm among them, and eroding the health of the survivors sufficiently to ensure better empathy in the years to come.

Definitions Doctors

If your time ain’t come, not even a doctor can kill you.

Death Doctors Health Life Proverbs

… expensive care

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Doctors Health Malaprops

I am dying from the treatment of too many physicians.

Alexander III (356 – 323 BC) King of Macedon
Death Doctors Health

When a doctor makes a mistake, it's best to bury the subject.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Doctors Health Mistakes

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease.

Doctors Health Proverbs