Subject: Health (Page 14)

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising… it was the only exercise I got.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Activities Alcohol Exercise Food/Drink Health

Columnist Gets Urologist In Trouble With His Peers

Doctors Headlines

You know what they call alternative medicine that's been proved to work… medicine.

(1975 – ) Australian comedian, actor, writer, musician & director
Health

In her elastic stockings, next to her very close veins.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

My friends and I played a new version of Russian roulette; we passed around six girls and one of them had VD.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Girls Health Old Women

Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust.

(1889 – 1966) American humorist, writer, illustrator & cartoonist
Doctors Health

A psychiatrist is a man who goes to the Folies Bergeres and looks at the audience.

(1913 – 1995) British Anglican Bishop
Doctors Health

Hospitals Resort To Hiring Doctors

Doctors Headlines

What this world needs is a damned good plague.

Health Murphy’s Laws Places World

 I heard doctors revived a man who had been dead for 4½ minutes – when they asked him what it was like being dead, he said it was like listening to Yankees announcer Phil Rizzuto during a rain delay.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Baseball Death Health Sports

You know you have it when you can’t think of anything that’s your own fault.

Health Murphy’s Laws

She got her good looks from her father, he’s a plastic surgeon.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Appearance Doctors Family Fathers Health

Sooner or later, the lame, the halt, and the blind all seek refuge with us.

(1914 – 1986) American baseball team owner & promoter
Baseball Health Sports

I saw one of those giant Hummer cars with handicapped tags on it; I thought, 'Wow, I never realized that being an a**hole was technically a handicap.'

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos Health Things

It’s stressful being a hypochondriac. In my home I have a walk-in medicine chest.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

I told my doctor I wanna stop aging, he gave me a gun!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Doctors Health Old Things

If your time ain't come, not even a doctor can kill you.

Death Doctors Health Life Situations

I moved to New York for my health; I’m paranoid, and New York was the only place where my fears were justified.

Fear Health New York City Places

I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Health

A cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright
Health

I was in analysis for years and nothing happened. My poor analyst got so frustrated, the guy finally put in a salad bar.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Health TV/Movie Quotes