Subject: Marriage (Page 26)

Insurance is like marriage – you pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

I guess the biggest issue my husband and I are going to have is how do we raise the baby… because he’s Jewish and I’m Protestant and the baby’s father is Catholic.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Beliefs Children Family Fathers Marriage Religion

Playing with your spouse on the golf course runs almost as great a marital risk as getting caught playing with someone else's anywhere else.

golf journalist
Golf Marriage Sports

A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Husbands Marriage

Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
Marriage

Optimist: The sort of man who marries his sister’s best friend.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Friends Marriage Men

I wish them a long and happy life; if it’s as long as their wedding, I’m sure they’ll be fine.

(1943 – ) English comedian, writer, television host & actor
Marriage

Alimony: The sum of money a man is commanded to pay his ex-wife in exchange for the pleasure of having her live under a separate roof.

Definitions Marriage

It's clear to see who makes the pants here.

Malaprops Marriage

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Divorce Marriage

Alimony: A system wherein two people make a mistake, and one of them keeps on paying for it.

Divorce Marriage

Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Characteristics Marriage

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Husbands Men People Success Wives Women

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Death Husbands Mothers

Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Marriage

Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Emotions Happiness Love Marriage Money Wealth

You want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.

(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist
Communication Girlfriends Marriage Relationships Speech

Marriage is a triumph of habit over hate.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Emotions Marriage

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife.

(1920 – 2006) American actress
Marriage Wives

The only person who listens to both sides of a husband and wife argument is the woman in the next apartment.

(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist
Marriage