Subject: Marriage (Page 26)

It's better to have loved and lost, then have to live with that bitch for the rest of my life.

comedian
Divorce Emotions Love Marriage

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.

(1953 – 1992) American comedian
Marriage

Never go to bed mad… stay up and fight.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Activities Conflict Fights Marriage Sleep

An extravagance is anything you buy that is of no earthly use to your wife.

(1881 – 1960) American columnist
Marriage Things Wives

Bigamist: A man who keeps two himself.

Definitions Marriage

I'd marry again if I found a man who had 15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he'd be dead within a year.

(1908 – 1989) American actress of film, television & theater
Marriage Money

I don’t worry about terrorism… I was married for two years.

(1953 – 1992) American comedian
Conflict Marriage

The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Divorce Marriage

There's a new Playboy for married men – and it has the same centerfold every month.

(1959 – ) American comedian, actress & singer
Husbands Marriage

Elton Takes David Up the Aisle

Headlines Marriage

Getting married is like buying a new horse, or going into a strange saloon.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

I told my wife she’s lousy in bed; she went out to get a second opinion.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Wives

Newlywed: What you and your spouse will officially be considered until your first anniversary, or until you go an entire week without sex (whichever comes first).

Definitions Marriage

For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed; and if you really want to stay married, get two.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Marriage

If Miss means respectably unmarried, and Mrs. respectably married, then Ms. means nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

(1940 – 1992) English writer
Language Marriage Sex

The woman cries before the wedding and the man after.

Marriage Proverbs

For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce; we decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Divorce Marriage

France may claim the happiest marriages in the world, but the happiest divorces in the world are made in America.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Divorce Marriage Places

‘I am’ is the shortest sentence in the English Language; ‘I do’ is the longest.

Marriage

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Marriage Wives

With history one an never be certain, but I think I can safely say that Aristotle Onassis would not have married Mrs. Khrushchev.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Marriage