Subject: Marriage (Page 28)

Year: The exact length of time that will pass from the day you get married to the day you forget your first anniversary.

Definitions Marriage Time

How many husbands have I had?… do you mean apart from my own?

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Husbands Marriage Sex

Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Conversation Husbands Marriage Wives

I told my wife she’s lousy in bed; she went out to get a second opinion.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Wives

If women believed in their husbands they would be a good deal happier and also a good deal more foolish.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Husbands Marriage Wives

Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Marriage Wives

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Dance Marriage Wives

Many a man who falls in love with a dimple make the mistake of marrying the whole girl.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Emotions Love Marriage

The girl who marries for money may find herself in debt for life.

writer
Marriage Money

One night I figured – let my wife make the first move… she went to Florida.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

My boyfriend and I broke up; he wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Marriage Relationships

Retirement means twice as much husband on half as much money.

Marriage Money Wives Work

‘Tis my maxim he’s a fool that marries, but he’s a greater that does not marry a fool.

(c. 1641 – 1716) English dramatist
Marriage

I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.

(1973 – ) English comedian, writer, actor, director & producer
Marriage Wives

Middle Age: When you no longer care where your wife wants to go – so long as you don’t have to go with her.

Age Definitions Wives

Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Husbands Marriage

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

Conflict Housework Husbands Marriage Proverbs

My wife has cut me down to once a month; I'm lucky…
I know two guys she cut off completely.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

Marriage: A process of finding out what sort of guy your wife would have preferred.

Definitions Marriage

This is my second marriage, and I have a kid from my first marriage 'cause I like souvenirs.

(1963 – ) American comedian
Children Marriage

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Husbands Marriage People Women