Subject: Money (Page 10)

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Money Occupations Time Work

There is only one thing for a man to do who is married to a woman who enjoys spending money, and that is enjoy earning it.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Husbands Marriage Money Wives

When I was 14, he sat me down, said, 'Larry, someday you're gonna meet a girl who's gonna be so right and so wonderful and so perfect that you're not even gonna haggle over price.'

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian
Money Sex

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Money

Some people pay their bills when due, some when overdue, and some never do.

Money

If thee marries for money, thee surely will earn it.

Wisconsin politician, professor & writer
Marriage Money

No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.

Money Murphy’s Laws Shopping Time

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Body Characteristics Money Work

Nobody's ever offered me money to have sex… sure – a Bud Light and a basket of curly fries, but not cash.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Money Sex

I bet whenever Trump has to make a decision, he asks himself, “What would a cartoon rich person do?”

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Money

I'd marry again if I found a man who had 15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he'd be dead within a year.

(1908 – 1989) American actress of film, television & theater
Marriage Money

The rich aren’t like us… they pay less taxes.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
People Taxes Wealth

He was so cheap, for example, that when Mary asked for diamonds for her birthday he bought her two of them… the eight and the queen.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Activities Frugal Money

1. You can't get anything without working for it.
2. The most you can accomplish by working is to break even.
3. You can only break even at absolute zero.

Money Murphy’s Laws Work

Fortunes are made by buying low and selling too soon.

(1840 – 1915) British banker & politician
Money Wealth

Money enables a man to get along without an education, and education enables him to get along without money.

writer
Money

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Government Politicians Poverty

If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Men Money People

If it's a good script I'll do it; and if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Entertainment Film Money

Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.

Government Money Murphy’s Laws

The most efficient labor-saving device is still money.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Money