Subject: Money (Page 15)

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.

Beliefs Money People

An idealist is a person who helps other people to be prosperous.

(1863 – 1947) automobile industrialist
Characteristics Money

In the nineteenth century, life was hard for Europe’s pheasants.

Malaprops People Poverty

To supplement my income, I sell furniture on the side… I'm down to my couch now.

(1973 – ) American stand-up comedian
Money

It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor, as long as you’ve got money.

(1902 – 1971) American comedian & singer
Money

If Bill Gates is worth $30 billion then a good haircut must cost $31 billion.

(1953 – ) comedian, political commentator and television & radio personality
Appearance Body Money

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Language Money

The Yankees don’t pay me to win every day, just two out of three.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball Money Sports

College is great; it’s the only time in life where you can write a check for 39 cents… and bounce it.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Education Money Poverty

Money frees you from doing things you dislike; since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Money

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Intelligence Money

The reason Jack Benny is looking so sad these days is that he’s not only losing a daughter – but losing a deduction too.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Frugal Money

I was having trouble making ends meet, and my beginnings weren't meeting either.

(1924 – 1973) American comic
Money

One time I went to a drive-in in a taxi cab… the movie cost me $95.00.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Entertainment Film Money

God shows his contempt for wealth by the kind of person he selects to receive it.

(1858 – 1932) American physicist, physician & humorist
Money People Wealth

You’re supposed to spend two months worth of salary on an engagement ring, so when I get engaged, some lucky lady will receive a piece of Life Savers candy.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Marriage Money

Commerce: A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E. 

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Money

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners.

American entrepreneur & author
Autos Money Things

I got a $290 parking ticket today… my car only cost $240.

(1973 – ) American stand-up comedian
Autos Money Things

The shortest measurable interval of time is the time between the moment one puts a little extra aside for a sudden emergency and the arrival of that emergency.

Money Murphy’s Laws Problems Time

There is no conceivable amount of money worth telling the world that you were beaten up by Liza Minnelli.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Money Situations