Subject: Money (Page 20)

No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.

comedian, counselor & speaker
Death Science/Weather Success Wealth

I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.

(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian
Intelligence Money Poverty Stupidity

Yeah, this comedy is all a part of my “Get Rich Slow” scheme… and it’s working.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Entertainment Money Wealth

My retirement plan is a slippery floor at a department store.

American comedian
Law Money

1. You can't get anything without working for it.
2. The most you can accomplish by working is to break even.
3. You can only break even at absolute zero.

Money Murphy’s Laws Work

It was all the wolf could do to keep us away from his door.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Animals Money Poverty

People who think money can do anything may very well be suspected of doing anything for money.

author
Money People

Alimony is a system by which, when two people make a mistake, one of them continues to pay for it.

(1893 – 1957) American actress & celebrity
Marriage Mistakes Money

Politicians who vote huge expenditures to alleviate problems get re-elected; those who propose structural changes to prevent problems get early retirement.

Government Money Murphy’s Laws Politicians

Unless the results are known in advance, funding agencies will reject the proposal.

Money Murphy’s Laws

Business: The art of extracting money from another man's pocket without resorting to violence.

American author
Money

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Health Money Places

It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor, as long as you’ve got money.

(1902 – 1971) American comedian & singer
Money

Committee reports dealing with wages, salaries, fringe benefits, facilities, computers, employee parking, libraries, coffee breaks, secretarial support, etc., always call for dramatic expenditure increases.

Money Murphy’s Laws

Russia's Economic Woes Outweigh The Universe

Money

When two people meet to decide how to spend a third person's money, fraud will result.

Money Murphy’s Laws People

Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Age Emotions Money Old

Reparation: Satisfaction that is made for a wrong and deducted from the satisfaction felt in committing it.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Money

The more zeros found in the price tag for a government program, the less Congressional scrutiny it will receive.

Congress Government Money Murphy’s Laws

I know a baseball star who wouldn't report the theft of his wife's credit cards because the thief spends less than she does.

(1926 – 2016) American baseball player, announcer & television host
Conflict Crime Money

Always Broke? Stop Living Payday To Payday

Headlines Money