Subject: Money (Page 3)

Deficit: What you have when you don’t have as much as if you had nothing.

Definitions Money

He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Age Food/Drink Money Old

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Money Poverty Wealth

The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs.

Money Murphy’s Laws

Nobody's ever offered me money to have sex… sure – a Bud Light and a basket of curly fries, but not cash.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Money Sex

Debts: The certain outcome of an uncertain income.

Definitions Money

I went to counseling, spent $5,000 to have two women call me a loser.

(1957 – ) American comedian
Characteristics Money Situations

It is not economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result is twins.

Children Money Proverbs Sex

Last week I told my psychiatrist, “I keep thinking about suicide,” and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Health Money

A financier is a pawnbroker with imagination.

(1855 – 1934) English dramatist
Money

A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be.

Family Money Relationships

There is nothing so habit-forming as money.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Money

Anyone who has ever struggled with poverty knows how extremely expensive it is to be poor.

(1924 – 1987) American novelist, writer, playwright, poet & civil rights activist
Money Poverty

I put on my favorite winter jacket for the first time the other day, and as soon as I put my hands in those pockets, I was immediately reminded that last year I didn't have any money, either.

(1970 – ) American comedian & television game show host
Money Poverty

I'll say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that's more than I can say for prosperity.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Money Problems

The more zeros found in the price tag for a government program, the less Congressional scrutiny it will receive.

Congress Government Money Murphy’s Laws

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

(1869 – 1944) Canadian economist & humorist
Intelligence Money

If someone says, "I'm expensive" – believe them.

Money Murphy’s Laws

The difference between a little money and no money at all is enormous… and the difference between a little money and an enormous amount of money is very slight.

(1897 – 1975) American author & playwright
Money

I'd marry again if I found a man who had 15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he'd be dead within a year.

(1908 – 1989) American actress of film, television & theater
Marriage Money

In matters of dispute, the bank's balance is always smaller than yours.

Money Murphy’s Laws