Subject: Money (Page 5)

I'm gonna ask the Falcons for so much money they'll have to put me on layaway.

American football player
Football Money Sports

When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay, but here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Government Health Money

Last week I told my psychiatrist, “I keep thinking about suicide,” and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Health Money

The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Government Money Poverty Taxes

I read recently that women still make 30% less than men in the workplace, which I think is fine, cause if we didn’t make 30% more, you guys would marry each other.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
Marriage Money People Women

Money is like manure; it’s not worth a thing unless it’s spread around encouraging young things to grow.

(1897 – 1975) American author & playwright
Money

You can never be too skinny or too rich.

(1915 – 1978) socialite
Appearance Body Wealth

A fool and your money are soon partners.

Fools Money Murphy’s Laws

You can have all the money in the world, but there’s one thing you will never have… a dinosaur.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Money TV/Movie Quotes

College is great; it’s the only time in life where you can write a check for 39 cents… and bounce it.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Education Money Poverty

I used to sell furniture for a living… the trouble was, it was my own.

(1931 – 1993) English comedian
Money Poverty Situations

God heals and the doctor takes the fee.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Beliefs Doctors God Health Money

We were so poor, every Christmas Eve my old man would go outside and shoot his gun, then come in and tell us kids Santa Claus had committed suicide.

(1921 – ) American boxing champion
Money Poverty

Associate with well-mannered persons and your manners will improve; run with decent folk and your own decent instincts will be strengthened; keep the company of bums and you will become a bum; hang around with rich people and you will end by picking up the check and dying broke.

Characteristics Money Murphy’s Laws People

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Money

Psychic: An individual having an uncanny, seemingly supernatural, talent for extracting money from morons.

American author
Fools Intelligence Money

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

Intelligence Money Stupidity Wealth

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Emotions Happiness Money

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Men Money Work

He breathes through his nose to keep from wearing out his teeth.

Expressions Frugal

If only one price can be obtained for any quotation, the price will be unreasonable.

Money Murphy’s Laws