Subject: Money (Page 5)

There's many a pessimist who got that way by financing an optimist.

The happiest time in a man's life is when he is in the red hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

Last week I told my psychiatrist, “I keep thinking about suicide,” and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

I (don’t) want anything ostentatious, no matter what it costs.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist

About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is… the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

Authors want their names down in history; I want to keep the smoke coming out of the chimney.

(1918 – 2006) American writer

By the time you get to the point where you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

The CIA is made up of boys whose families sent them to Princeton but wouldn't let them into the family brokerage business.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president

When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay, but here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist

The only thing I like about rich people is their money.

(1879 – 1964) British politician

Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money.

Lerman's Corollary: You are never given enough time or money.

When it comes to paying, he’s the first to put his hand in his pocket… and leave it there.

Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author

Invest in inflation… it’s the only thing going up.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.

A dollar saved is a quarter earned.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

If the guy was poor, I’d give it back.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager

If you want to know what God thinks of money, you only have to look at those to whom he gives it.

(1874 – 1945) English writer, translator & war correspondent

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners.

American entrepreneur & author