Subject: Money (Page 9)

Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer

There are only two things as complicated as insurance accounting… and I have no idea what they are.

(1947 – ) American journalist, author & columnist

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.


(1799 – 1850) French novelist & playwright

I put on my favorite winter jacket for the first time the other day, and as soon as I put my hands in those pockets, I was immediately reminded that last year I didn't have any money, either.

(1970 – ) American comedian & television game show host

It takes money to make money because you have to copy the design exactly.

comedian

A billion here, a billion there—pretty soon it adds up to real money.

(1896 – 1969) American congressman & senator (Illinois)

So far, I haven’t heard of anybody who wants to stop living on account of the cost.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher

After a salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you had before.

He’s so chincy, he can call his every dollar by its first name.

The major concrete achievement of the women's movement in the 1970s was the Dutch treat.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director

When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own Scotch, you bring your own rocks.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

Nobody ever said that capitalism guarantees profit.

(1947 – ) American economist

Auditors always reject any expense account with a bottom line divisible by five or ten.

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was so poor I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

It is a truth universally acknowledge, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

(1775 – 1817) English novelist

Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.

President Bush wants to spend $7 billion this year to fight the drug dealers in Colombia… but they only earn $3 billion a year; so why don't we pay them $4 billion a year not to grow the cocaine?

American comedian & writer

You can never be too skinny or too rich.

(1915 – 1978) socialite

The dime hasn’t been minted that could march past Jack Benny.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian