Subject: People (Page 117)

I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they’re just as scared of me.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Relationships Self

There are three kinda men in the world; there’s men that own rope, men that use eye creme, and that dude from Nickelback.

(1963 – ) American comedian & author
Men People

Men, I feel, are like wine – before buying, a real connoisseur takes a small sip, and spits them out.

(1936 – 1993) British writer
Men People Relationships

A man could not be in two places at the same time unless he were a bird.

(1736 – 1807) Irish politician
Misspokements People

All men are animals, but some make better pets than others.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Men People

The feller that calls you "Brother" generally wants something that don't belong to him.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
People

My dad drives so slow that when we’re on the highway, Amish people give us the finger.

comedian
Activities Driving Family Fathers People

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Entertainment People Self

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.

(1917 – 1998) author, critic, animal rights activist
Animals Cats Characteristics People

When I was 10, my pa told me never to talk to strangers; we haven’t spoken since.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Family Fathers People Speech

I don’t like Jew jokes and black jokes, and they make me very uncomfortable, probably because I’m both; well, I’m not black – but if I was then I could dance better.

(1983 – ) American comedian
People

Mother Teresa with better legs.

(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Characteristics People

He rules the country with an iron fist – the same way he plays the piano.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government People

During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People Self Sex

One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance People Self Situations

Love thy neighbor as yourself, but choose your neighborhood.

(1867 – 1952) American actress
People

Asians are nice people, but they burn a lot of shirts.

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
Insults People

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.

(1953 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Doctors Men

I go to New York and I saw a big sign saying “America Loves Smirnoff” and I said to myself, what a country!

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
America New York City Places Self

I miss being pampered.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Government People Self

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Health Memory People