Subject: People (Page 126)

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is stoned to death.


People

Question: What goes ‘clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, BANG BANG’? Answer: An Amish drive-by shooting.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
People Situations

Thou shalt not covet they neighbor's wife unless she's a beauty.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
People Wives

The man who has a girl in every port is not a sailor but a wholesaler.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Girls People Places Women

I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they’re going to be talking.

Communication People Speech

A figure with curves always offers a lot of interesting angles.

Appearance Body People Women

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Emotions People

I am… an inflated swimsuit.

(1966 – ) English dance-pop singer, actress & former model
Insults People Self

Always remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everyone else.

Murphy’s Laws People Self

A woman is as young as her knees.

(1934 – ) British fashion designer
Age Appearance Body Women

If they cut my bald head open, they will find one big boxing glove. That's all I am.

American boxing champion
Boxing Self Sports

Pavarotti is not vain, but conscious of being unique.

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author
People

You might be a redneck if… you ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin’ contest.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Activities People Rednecks

Agatha Christie has given more pleasure in bed than any other woman.


(1929 – ) British television & radio critic
People Sex

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

(1913 – 1973) American animator & cartoonist (Pogo)
Intelligence People

The doctor says he has to amputate all of me.

comedian
Doctors Health People Self

I think the Japanese are smart people – stereotypically so.

(1982 – ) American stand-up comedian
Intelligence People

In order to make a man or boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to attain.

Characteristics Men People Situations

The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
People Things

God is good to the Irish, but no one else is, not even the Irish.

(1858 – 1932) American physicist, physician & humorist
People Places

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics People