Subject: People (Page 125)

Don’t marry a man to reform him; that’s what reform schools are for.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Marriage Men School

You might be a redneck if… you've ever bought lingerie at a yard sale.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing People Rednecks Shopping

Friend: A person who listens attentively while you say nothing.

Definitions Friends People

If there are any of you at the back who do not hear me, please don't raise your hands because I am also nearsighted.


(1907 – 1973) poet & critic
Communication People Self Speech

You may already be a loser!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics People Self

Urinal: The one place where all men are peers.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Men

Men can read maps better than women… cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equalling a hundred miles.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Men People Women

My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Self

Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Characteristics People

You might be a redneck if… you think a "quarter horse" is that ride in front of Kmart.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals People Rednecks Things

I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Entertainment Self Television

An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.

(1885 – 1962) Danish physicist
Mistakes People Problems

USA Today has come out with a new survey; apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Facts People Science/Weather

I've been looking for a girl like you… not you… but a girl like you.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
People Women

Wickedness is a myth invented by good people to account for the curious attraction of others.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Characteristics People

You guys have it so easy; you don't shave: it's sexy, it's a turn-on; we don't shave: it's birth control.

stand-up comedian
Men People Women

Half the people you know are below average.

Characteristics People

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.

(1942 – ) American author and teacher
Intelligence Men People Women

I'm not anti-social – I'm just not social.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Characteristics People Self

All God’s children are not beautiful; most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Appearance People

No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Men People Women