Subject: People (Page 57)

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Characteristics Children Fear Health People

I knew when my career was over; in 1965 my baseball card came out with no picture.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Self Sports

Ronnie's hero is Calvin Coolidge and Nancy's is Calvin Klein.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
People

Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Characteristics Husbands Marriage People

At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Characteristics Men People Women

They say men can never experience the pain of childbirth; but they can, if you hit them in the goolies with a cricket bat for 14 hours.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Men People Women

I got nothin’ against mankind; it’s people I can’t stand.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Misspokements People TV/Movie Quotes

Most of the men sitting in first class on an airplane have really boring jobs.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Men People

When two people meet to decide how to spend a third person's money, fraud will result.

Money Murphy’s Laws People

I hate women because they always know where things are.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
People Things Women

What you take for lying in an Irishman is only his attempt to put an herbaceous border on stark reality.

(1878 – 1957) Irish poet, author, athlete & politician
Beliefs Honesty Lies People Places

An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn’t know any women.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Sex Women

You might be a redneck if… you think a turtleneck is a key ingredient for soup.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Food/Drink People Rednecks

Death to all fanatics!

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs People

Mark Twain once said, ‘Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand’ … but it was Shania Twain who said, ‘Man, I feel like a woman.’

(1971 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
People

Meryl Streep is not here tonight, she has the flu… and I hear she’s amazing in it.

(1971 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
Entertainment People

You might be a redneck if… you have a close relative named "Cletus.”

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks

Money can’t buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright
Friends Money People Young

One thing I can say about George… he may not be able to keep a job, but he’s not boring.

(1925 – 2018) U.S. first lady, wife of George H. W. Bush
People

On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.

(1962 – ) writer & journalist
Death People Time

The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher
Age Entertainment Music Old People