Subject: People (Page 58)

And now, I’m pleased to introduce the star of the film Gladiator, and a man I like to call a close, personal friend, but he told me not to…

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Friends People

Never try to pick up a woman who is wearing a Super Bowl ring.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Dating People Relationships Situations

All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Government People Politicians

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Emotions People

All dogs look up to you; all cats look down to you… only the pig looks at you as an equal.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Animals Cats Dogs People

When I was 16 years old, the morning of my birthday, my parents tried to surprise me with a car, but they missed.

American comedian
Family Parents Self Situations

When you're born, you have a finger up your nose, the other hand on your dick, and you get taller; and that is really it.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Life Men People

When men reach their sixties and retire they go to pieces; women just go on cooking.


Age Men Old People Women

She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
People

Rich men without convictions are more dangerous in modern society than poor women without chastity.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Beliefs Money People Wealth

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Men Old People Sex Women

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Characteristics Girls People Women

Men have as exaggerated an idea of their rights as women have of their wrongs.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Characteristics Men People Women

Women are not forgiven for aging; Robert Redford's lines of distinction are my old-age wrinkles.

(1937 – ) American actress, writer, political activist, & fitness exponent
Age Men People Women

You might be a redneck if… your aunt and your grandmother went to the funeral and had a fight over who gets to be the widow.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Conflict People Rednecks Relationships

Soon, I'm going to meet somebody around my own age, and she's going to be smart and beautiful, and I'm going to date her daughter.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & television ho
People Self

Women like silent men; they think they’re listening.

(1899 – 1974) French screenwriter, teacher & journalist
Men People Women

A man who catches a big fish doesn't go home through an alley.

(1918 – 2002) advice columnist
Characteristics People

It’s time for the human race to enter the solar system.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Misspokements People

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Self

I deserve someone who likes me for who I am pretending to be.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
People Relationships Self