Subject: People (Page 96)

People ask me how much I weigh. I tell them, 145 pounds, naked; that is, if that scale outside the drugstore is anything to go by.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Appearance Self

To make an enemy, do someone a favor.

Murphy’s Laws People Situations

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

(1943 – ) English rock singer
Activities Appearance Body Fat Self

The hardest thing to stop is a temporary chairman.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
People Situations

The Americans are a funny lot; they drink whiskey to keep them warm, then they put ice in it to make it cool; then they put some sugar in it to make it sweet and then they put a slice of lemon in it to make it sour, then they say, “Here’s to you” and drink it themselves.

(1904 – 1976) Indian politician
America People Places

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Conflict Crime People Self Ugly

Television is the triumph of machine over people.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Entertainment People Television

If you hate gay marriage, then don't marry a gay person.

(1977 – ) Australian comedian
Marriage People

Never underestimate a man’s ability to underestimate a woman.

(1954 – ) American actress
Men People TV/Movie Quotes Women

Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer.; but imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Death People

There's something about me that makes a lot of people want to throw up.

(1934 – ) American singer & actor
Characteristics People Self

Men love war because it allows them to look serious… it is the one thing that stops women laughing at them.

(1926 – 2005) English novelist & essayist
Conflict Emotions Laughter Men People War Women

I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life; my gynecologist examines me by telephone.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Characteristics Self Sex

Every organization has an allotted number of positions to be filled by incompetents.

Murphy’s Laws People

I can do some things now that I couldn't do when I was 17, like date high school girls.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian
Age Dating Girls People Relationships Young

I love men, even though they're lying, cheating scumbags.

(1972 – ) American actress
Characteristics Men People

Women… if they're not turning down your proposals for marriage, they're accusing you of suspicious behavior in the women's lingerie changing room.

(1947 – ) American actor & entrepreneur
TV/Movie Quotes Women

A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
People

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs Drugs God People

They were persecuted at the turn of the century by the U.S. government – that's right: Prohibition.

comedian, television writer
Alcohol Food/Drink People

What men desire is a virgin who is a whore.

(1900 – 1977) American novelist, essayist & autobiographer
Men People Sex Women