Subject: People » Women (Page 7)

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet

A woman will lie about anything, just to stay in practice.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter

I'll tell you why — because, in the unlikely event that we're both on the Titanic and it starts to sink, for some reason, you get to leave with the kids and I have to stay — that's why I get the dollar more an hour.

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian

The years that a woman subtracts from her age are not lost… they are added to the ages of other women.


(1499 – 1566) French noblewoman & prominent courtier

The bravest thing that men do is love women.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor

When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence; when men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.


(1943 – ) American psychologist, author

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

A woman is as old as she looks before breakfast.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

Taste: (female Interpretation): Something you do frequently to whatever you’re cooking, to make sure it’s good;   (male Interpretation): Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad, prior to tossing it out.

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her.

writer

The two women exchanged the kind of glance women use when no knife is handy.

(1905 – 1982) American mystery writer (co-author of Ellery Queen stories

To please a woman in bed, all a man has to do is a poetry course; they also have to learn that the Kama Sutra is not an Indian takeaway and that the mutual orgasm is not an insurance company.

(1958 – ) Australian author

Being a woman is a terribly difficult task since it consists principally in dealing with men.

(1857 – 1924) English (Polish-Ukrainian-born) novelist

To a woman the first kiss is just the end of the beginning but to a man it is the beginning of the end.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

Women can have multiple orgasms? Right… I’ll believe it when I see it.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor

In a way an umpire is like a woman. He makes quick decisions, never reverses them, and doesn't think you're safe when you're out.

American baseball umpire

Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.

(1956 – ) American comedian

Men get laid, but women get screwed.

(1908 – 1999) English writer

To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

If she gets a hot flash and walks into a cold room, she can make it rain.

American actor & comedian

A gentleman never strikes a lady with his hat on.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian