Subject: Places (Page 36)

Canada is a country whose main exports are hockey players and cold fronts; our main imports are baseball players and acid rain.

(1919 – 2000) Canadian prime minister & politician
Canada Hockey Places Science/Weather Sports

I think, in 10 years, hell's gonna be the only place left where you can still smoke.

(1965 – ) American comedian
Activities Future Places Time

Tasmania is famous for its shape, which is the same shape as the pubic hair region on a woman's body, which I personally don't identify with; mine's more like a map of the former Soviet Union… not to scale.

(1978 – ) Australian comedian, writer & actress
Places

Boy George is all England needs – another queen who can't dress.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Clothing England Insults Places

Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Housework Situations World

The Welsh are just Italians in the rain.

(1929 – ) British television & radio critic
People Places

Canadians have been so busy explaining to the Americans that we aren't British, and to the British that we aren't Americans that we haven't had time to become Canadians.

Canadian writer & speaker
America Canada People Places

Zoo: A place of refuge where wild animals are protected from people.

Animals Definitions Places

Studies show 1 in 5 British teens are unable to peel an orange… it’s a good job they’ve all got knives then.

(1961 – ) English standup comedian, actor & writer
England People Places

What this world needs is a damned good plague.

Murphy’s Laws World

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Family People Places

It is not necessary to have relatives in Kansas City to be unhappy.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Family Insults Places Relationships

The world is divided into people who do things – and people who get the credit.

(1873 – 1931) businessman, politician & diplomat
People Places World

New York is the only place where if you have talent, and you believe in yourself, and you show people what you can do then some day, maybe – just maybe – you could get shoved in front of a moving subway train.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
New York City Places

I came from a real tough neighborhood; in the library the sign says “Shut the f**k up!”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Places

I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq; after all, France wouldn’t help us get the Germans out of France!


(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Conflict Places War

I call our bathroom 'The Vault' because the door's always locked and whatever goes on in there costs a shitload of money.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Money Places

The English find ill-health not only interesting but respectable and often experience death in the effort to avoid a fuss.

(1908 – 1967) English novelist
England Health People Places

The global importance of the Middle East is that it keeps the Far East and the Near East from encroaching on each other.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Misspokements Places

The Japanese have perfected good manners and made them indistinguishable from rudeness.

(1941 – ) novelist
Characteristics Places

We would need less gun control is we had better birth control.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
America Places