Subject: Relationships » Dating

My fiancé and I are having a little disagreement; what I want is a big church wedding with bridesmaids and flowers and a no-expense-spared reception; what he wants is to break off our engagement.


Dating Marriage Relationships

I wish that there was a restaurant named “I don't care,” so I'd finally know where my girlfriend was talking about.

(1979 – ) American actor, comedian & musician
Dating Food/Drink Relationships

Strategy is buying a bottle of fine wine when you take a lady out for dinner; tactics is getting her to drink it.

(1920 – 1998) English comedy writer, radio & television personality
Dating Situations

I like to date school teachers; if you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Dating Sex

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number… she looked great going down the stairs.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Dating Relationships

Dating: An elaborate prelude to mating that fulfills much the same function as the sniffing ritual in dogs, but without its forthright honesty.

Dating Definitions Relationships

I can do some things now that I couldn't do when I was 17, like date high school girls.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian
Age Dating Girls People Relationships Young

I once dated a girl that was wild. I took her to a bar. She gave the mechanical bull her phone number.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Dating Relationships

Drink ‘til she’s cute, but stop before the wedding.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Alcohol Dating Relationships

I just hope she doesn't start before I go in the Hall of Fame. That way, I won't have to kill anybody before I get inducted.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Dating Relationships Sports

I took a girl out on a date the other night and I knew it wasn't gonna go anywhere sexually, you know, because I was out of chloroform and rags.

(1961 – ) American actor & comedian
Dating Sex

Courtship: A man pursuing a woman until she catches him.

Dating Definitions Relationships

A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event.

American comedian
Dating Relationships Sports

Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and he turns out to be a sight.

Dating Definitions Relationships

You know how embarrassing it is to walk with a girl on a first date and see somebody with the same shirt as you on – and they homeless?

American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing Dating Relationships

Courtesy: The art of yawning with your mouth closed.

Dating Definitions Relationships

I was dating this girl once for a few weeks, and the first time she saw my penis, she said, 'Is everything a joke with you?'

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author
Appearance Body Dating Relationships

Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian, television host, actress, & author
Dating Relationships Sex

I’m still going on bad dates, when by now I should be in a bad marriage.

(1969 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
Age Dating Relationships

I broke up with this girl… I can't tell you her real name, of course, because – well, she didn't tell me her real name.

comedian
Dating People Relationships

I'm dating again, which is very exciting… 'cause I'm married.

comedian
Dating Relationships