Subject: Relationships (Page 10)

There’s always one teacher you had a crush on; for me, it’s my wife’s aerobics instructor.

comedian
Education Relationships

When I’m not in a relationship, I shave one leg, so when I sleep, it feels like I’m with a woman.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Relationships

When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist
Age Animals Dogs Friends People Relationships

My grandfather was actually a Holocaust survivor, and you can tell that it really affected him because to this day, he still will not walk into a gas chamber.

(1981 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Relationships Situations

My boyfriend and I used to argue over the duvet; I liked to sleep all stretched out like a starfish… and he liked to sleep with a blonde lady called Leanne.

English comedian & actor
Relationships

Outside of a dog, a book is your best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Animals Books Communication Dogs Intelligence Reading/Writing Relationships Situations

Dating: An elaborate prelude to mating that fulfills much the same function as the sniffing ritual in dogs, but without its forthright honesty.

Dating Definitions Relationships

The major concrete achievement of the women's movement in the 1970s was the Dutch treat.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Dating Money

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

(1917 – 1994) American writer
Relationships

I like my coffee like I like my men… I don’t drink coffee.

(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host
Relationships

You might be a redneck if… your on your first date you had to ask your dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Dating People Rednecks

Guys I’ve been meeting have the worst pickup lines, like: “Hey, what’s your friend’s name?”

(1977 – ) American comedian
Dating Men People Relationships

Many a necklace becomes a noose.

(1888 – 1982) American writer
Dating Marriage Men People Relationships Women

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

(1917 – 1994) American writer
People Relationships

Whenever I’m about to have sex with a girl, I play it smart and just automatically assume she has herpes; because that way I don’t have to tell her about my herpes.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Dating Health Sex

You still chase women, but only downhill.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Dating Old

A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event.

American comedian
Dating Relationships Sports

Courtship: A period during which a girl decides whether or not she can do better.

Definitions Relationships

It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Relationships

My grandma always says that she never gets any phone calls; so, for her birthday, I put one of those ‘How’s my driving?’ bumper stickers on her car.

comedian
Autos Communication Relationships

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese… and there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Family People Relationships