Subject: Relationships (Page 3)

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother – you’re not sure what you’ve got but you’re pretty sure you’re not going to like it.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Family Relationships Things

Bitch Are You Retarded?: Stop Being a Dumbass! Either He Loves You, He’s in Love with You, or You’re Just Something to Do for Right Now….

Book Titles Relationships

Drink ‘til she’s cute, but stop before the wedding.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Alcohol Dating Relationships

I'm single now, and it's really weird for me to be dating again because, for the last three years, I've just been cheating.

American comedian
Dating Divorce Marriage Relationships

If her lips are on fire and she trembles in your arms, forget her… she’s got malaria.

(1921 – 1974) Canadian comedian
Relationships

My uncle's actually from Brooklyn, New York; … instead of saying, 'What time is it?,' he'll say, 'Get outta here – I'm drunk.'

stand-up comedian, writer & actor
Places Relationships

I grew up with six brothers; that’s how I learned to dance – waiting for the bathroom.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Dance Entertainment Relationships

How To Date a White Woman: A Practical Guide for Asian Men

Book Titles Dating Relationships

The other night I went out on a date with a guy who said he didn't like girls who were fragile or vulnerable… so I stabbed him.

comedian
Characteristics Dating Relationships Situations

I like my coffee like I like my men… I don’t drink coffee.

(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host
Relationships

Relations are a tedious lot of people who don’t know how to live or when to die.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Insults Relationships

Ladies, if you’re at the mall and you think your man is looking at other girls just remember: If your man is at the mall with you… he… loves you.

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Men People Relationships

You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it; but first let me introduce myself.

(1982 – ) American author
Emotions Love Relationships

You ever been on a date so bad, the girl makes you drop her off at another dude's house?

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian
Dating People Relationships Situations Women

I don’t get what is so cool about dating DJ’s; that’s like dating a valet because he drives a nice car.

(1982 – ) American actress & comedian
Dating Relationships

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Relationships

You might be a redneck if… your aunt and your grandmother went to the funeral and had a fight over who gets to be the widow.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Conflict People Rednecks Relationships

Men are easy to get but hard to keep.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Men Relationships

When you first entered the restaurant, I thought you were handsome. And then, of course, you spoke.

(1963 – ) American actress, film director & screenwriter
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

My toughest fight was with my first wife.

(1942 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Fights Marriage Relationships Sports Wives

The way things are these days, a girl's gotta play hard to take.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Relationships Situations Women