Subject: Relationships (Page 6)

I often think about my future wife and how lax she's been about getting in touch with me.

(1969 – ) American stand-up comedian
Future Relationships Situations Time

Do you know how hard it is to find a decent man in this town? Most of them think monogamy is some kind of wood.

movie character in The Mask (Amy Yasbeck)
Men People Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

Employees make the best dates; you don’t have to pick them up and they’re always tax-deductible.

(1928 – 1987) painter, printmaker & filmmaker
Dating Relationships Taxes Work

My boyfriend and I broke up; he wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Marriage Relationships

If you treat a girl like a dog, she’s going to piss on you.

(1964 – ) American singer-songwriter & musician
Dating Girls People Relationships

Maybe you're only allotted a certain amount of tears per man and I’ve used mine up.

(1965 – ) American actress, model, singer & producer
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

The best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one!

Dating Men Relationships Sex

I finally just slept with my high school crush; but I swear; now he expects me to go to his graduation – like I know where I’m going to be in three years.

(1981 – ) American Comedian
Relationships Sex

A family vacation is when you go away with the people you need to get away from.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Family Relationships

When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Relationships

I refuse to go out with a man whose ass is smaller than mine.

(1960 – ) American actress
Dating Men TV/Movie Quotes

I don't have a boyfriend right now; I'm looking for anyone with a job that I don't have to support.

(1967 – 2007) American model
Money Relationships

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun!

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
People Relationships Women

Marry your son when you will, but your daughter when you can.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Family Marriage Relationships

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? … It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Relationships Situations

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist – she did everybody.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Dating Relationships Sex

You might be a redneck if… you’ve ever had to scratch your sister's name out of a message that begins, "For a good time time call…"

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Relationships

A youth with his first cigar makes himself sick; a youth with his first girl makes other people sick.

(1880 – ?) American author
Dating People Relationships

You ever been on a date so bad, the girl makes you drop her off at another dude's house?

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian
Dating People Relationships Situations Women

There were many reasons we broke up; there was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

American actor & comedian
Beliefs Girlfriends Relationships Religion

Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Men People Relationships