Subject: Sex (Page 2)

Quickie: No sooner spread than done.

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

(1957 – ) American actor, comedian, writer & director

It is not enough to be abstinent with other people, you also have to be abstinent alone; the Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery…. you can’t masturbate without lust!

(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)

Pulled my groin the other day – for about 20 minutes.

(1963 – ) American comedian

My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty."

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author

If I hold you any closer, I’ll be in back of you.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

There was no sex education in the ‘70s; we thought the Kama Sutra was Indian takeaway.

(1958 – ) Australian author

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Fred Sanford: I still want to sow some wild oats.

Lamont: At your age, you don’t have no wild oats, you got shredded wheat.

(1946 – ) American actor

When women can't climax, it's our fault, but when we can't get an erection, we have to go to the doctor.

(1967 – ) Honduran-born American comedian, writer & actor

Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes.

(1929 – 1994) U.S. first lady, wife of John Fitzgerald Kennedy & book editor

I'm always looking for meaningful one-night stands.

(1935 – 2002) English actor, comedian, composer & musician

Masturbation is the thinking man’s television.

(1946 – ) British playwright, screen writer & film director

Gold Medal Specialists. Sprints! Relays! Marathons! Hot and Raring to Go.

I like my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Sex is natural, but not if it's done right.

The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love heterosexuals, it’s just that they need more supervision.

(1959 – ) Australian writer & television producer

It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

I’m not an expert on masturbation, but I hold my own.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight times.