Subject: Sex (Page 3)

I took a girl out on a date the other night and I knew it wasn't gonna go anywhere sexually, you know, because I was out of chloroform and rags.

(1961 – ) American actor & comedian
Dating Sex

My husband asked me to talk dirty to him during sex; I told him to go f**k himself.


Communication Sex Speech

The trouble is not that players have sex the night before a game, it’s that they stay out all night looking for it.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball Sex Sports

Someone asked me recently – what would I rather give up, food or sex; neither! … I'm not falling for that one again, Wife!

(1980 – ) English comedian & novelist
Food/Drink Marriage Sex

Why women don’t blink during foreplay… not enough time.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
People Sex Time Women

The transatlantic crossing was so rough the only thing that I could keep on my stomach was the first mate.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Activities Sex Travel

Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Marriage Sex

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me; just the other night she called me from a hotel.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Communication Sex Speech

Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex.

(1901 – 2000) English author
Men People Sex Women

A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight times.


Intelligence Men People Self Sex

Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation… the other eight are unimportant.

(1891 – 1980) novelist & painter
Sex

Chastity: Perhaps the most peculiar of all sexual aberrations.

Definitions Sex

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? … If he knows anything about it, he shouldn’t!

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Beliefs Religion Sex

Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Clothing Sex Things Women

I’m in a same-sex marriage… the sex is always the same.

English police officer, writer, stand-up comedian & radio performer
Marriage Sex

Men are only as loyal as their options.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Men Sex

Now the only thing I miss about sex is the cigarette afterward.

(1936 – ) novelist, essayist & columnist
Characteristics Sex

The Catholics have an interesting view of sex; it is disgusting, amoral and filthy and you should save it for one you love.

(1957 – ) American actor, comedian & filmmaker
Beliefs Religion Sex

Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with, ‘I can’t talk now, I’m going into a tunnel.'

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Sex Things

When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment; when a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 per minute.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Sex

You treat my daughter with respect – you buy her breakfast if she puts out.

American comedian & writer
Relationships Sex