Subject: Sex (Page 3)

My mum walked in on me wanking and looking at her wedding pictures. "You perv!" she screamed at me.
It's not what you think, Mum… I was looking at the priest.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Sex

Sex with me when I'm really drunk is like being at the dentist… you can tell something's going on but you don't exactly know what it is.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
Alcohol Food/Drink Sex

Definition of a Jewish nymphomaniac: A woman who will make love the same day she has her hair done.

(1946 – ) British actress, columnist & comedian
Definitions Sex Women

Bragging that you had sex with a prostitute is like bragging that you got Doritos out of a vending machine.

(1974 – ) American comedian
Sex

When a man says he had pleasure with a woman he does not mean conversation.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer
Conversation Men People Sex Women

I rely on my personality for birth control.

(1961 – ) comedian, writer, radio & television personality & blogger
Characteristics Sex

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Men Sex

Beat Your Way to the Top: Masturbation as a technique for business success

Book Titles Sex

The three words you never want to hear while making love… honey, I'm home.


Sex Situations

Not nearly as exciting as it would be if I were acknowledged as one of the greatest lays in the world.

(1925 – 2006) American actress
Acting Entertainment Sex

It's so unfair because I go out of my way not to treat women like objects and end up having to treat objects like women.

stand-up comedian
People Sex Things Women

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People Self Sex

Well I don’t see why I have to make one man miserable when I can make so many men happy.


Emotions Happiness Marriage Men People Sex

And just remember, the best thing about kids… is making them!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

Beliefs Sex

Physics is like sex; sure, it may give some practical results, but that’s not why we do it.

(1918 – 1988) American physicist
Science/Weather Sex

Nothing risqué, nothing gained.

(1887 – 1943) theater critic & commentator
Characteristics Language Sex

One night I figured – let my wife make the first move… she went to Florida.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

[Leonard & Alice are kissing] Leonard: Damn it, I can’t. I can’t do this.

Alice: Is it my tongue stud? ‘Cause if that freaks you out, you’re in for a real surprise later on.

(1978 – ) American actress
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Allan: You were fantastic last night in bed.
Linda: Oh, thanks.
Allan: How do you feel now?
Linda: I think the Pepto Bismol helped.

1946 – ) American film actress, director & producer
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Wife Swapping: Sexual fourplay.

Definitions Marriage Sex Wordplay