Subject: Situations (Page 38)

At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you?

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Science/Weather Situations

There is always one more son of a bitch than you counted on.

Murphy’s Laws People Situations

Do you ever go into a store and you happen to be carrying something that they sell in that store and then start to get all paranoid that they're going to think that you stole it? … That happened to me recently at the gun store.

(1972 – ) stand-up comedian & writer
Arms Conflict Situations

I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Religion Situations

Anyone who isn't confused really doesn't understand the situation.

(1908 – 1965) American broadcast journalist & newscaster
People Situations

If anything goes bad, I did it… if anything goes semi-good, we did it… if anything goes really good, then you did it; that's all it takes to get people to win football games for you.

1913 – 1983) American college football coach
People Situations Success Work

You don't even think about the fact that the game is impossible: you're 30 feet away, trying to throw a hot dog into a wine bottle.

comedian
Situations

I was never so scared in my life… and I was in the war!

(1908 – 2005) English actor
Acting Situations

Last night, it was so cold, the flashers in New York were only describing themselves.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Cold New York City Places Science/Weather Situations

To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler – and less trouble.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Problems Situations

I felt as out of place as a left-handed violinist in a crowded string section.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Characteristics Situations

If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry.

(1860 – 1904) Russian short-story writer, playwright & physician
Characteristics Fear Marriage Situations

1. In dealing with their “own” problems, faculty members are the most extreme conservatives 2. In dealing with “other” people's problems, they are the world's most extreme liberals.

Beliefs Government Murphy’s Laws Situations

When our friends get into power, they aren’t our friends any more.

Age Characteristics Friends Murphy’s Laws Situations

One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.

(1932 – 1997) British journalist
Animals Situations

I have an intense desire to return to the womb… anybody's.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Situations

The minute a man reaches thirty thousand feet, he immediately becomes consumed by distasteful sexual fantasies which involve doing uncomfortable things in those tiny toilets.

American playwright, television writer & author
Men People Sex Situations

As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Situations

Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Situations Things

If I can’t have it all, can I at least have some of yours?

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Life Situations

The best way to keep a man is in doubt.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
People Situations