Subject: Sports (Page 124)

If you’re up against a girl with big boobs, bring her to the net and make her hit backhand volleys. It’s the hardest shot for the well-endowed; like when I used to beat Ann Jones, she could hit under them or over them but never through them.

American professional tennis player
Body Sports

Hold when you're at home and don't hold when you're on the road.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Sports

Bob Kelly was so dumb, they shoulda written his name on the Stanley Cup in crayon.

American sports announcer
Hockey Insults Sports

We are in the business of kicking butt and business is very, very good.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Sports

They told me Jack Bodell was awkward and he was… he fell awkwardly.

American boxer
Boxing Sports

He told me just to keep the ball low.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer
Golf Sports

Tee your ball high… the air offers less resistance than dirt.

(1940 – ) professional golfer
Golf Sports

Moonshiners put more time, energy, thought, and love into their cars than any racer ever will. Lose on the track, and you go home. Lose with a load of whiskey, and you go to jail.

American auto racer
Auto racing Sports

A road runner taking you through every ditch, every irrigation canal, barbed wire fence and cattle guard.

American basketball player
Basketball Sports

Putting an ex-fighter in the business world is like putting silk stockings on a pig.

boxing manager, trainer & cornerman
Boxing Occupations Sports

The place was so empty, they could have had archery practice.

American football coach
Football Sports

Every time I sign a ball, and there have been thousands, I thank my luck that I wasn’t born Coveseski or Wambsganss or Peckinpaugh.

American baseball player
Baseball Sports

I don't mind the title fight going out at three in the morning. Everyone in Glasgow fights at three in the morning.

Boxing Sports

Don King is one of the great humanitarians of our time. He has risen above that great term, prejudice. He has screwed everybody he has ever been around. Hog, dog, or frog, it don't matter to Don. If you got a quarter, he wants the first 26 cents.

(1950 – ) American boxer & actor
Boxing Insults Sports

Alain Prost is in a commanding second position.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing Misspokements Sports

Drive: A shot that comes after the whiff and before the mulligan.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Golf Sports

You've got to come in with more than a left hook and a bad haircut to beat Lennox Lewis.

British and Canadian boxing champion
Boxing Sports

If I’m on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast… if God wants to play through, let him.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
God Golf Sports

Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? … he went to prison for three years, not Princeton.

(1922 – ) boxing trainer & manager
Boxing Intelligence Sports

I’m fairly confident that if I died tomorrow, Don would find a way to preserve me until the season was over and he had time for a nice funeral.

wife of coach Don Shula
Football Sports

We learn so many things from golf – how to suffer, for instance.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist
Golf Sports