Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Sports
(Page 79)
The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb; to be a back, you only have to be dumb.
Knute Rockne
(1888 – 1931) American football player & coach
Football
Intelligence
Sports
Stupidity
Linemen
Not everyone likes sports… Gandhi and Malcolm X come to mind.
Jay Mohr
(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian
Sports
He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.
Lou Duva
(1922 – ) boxing trainer & manager
Boxing
Misspokements
Sports
On heavyweight Andrew Golata’s training regimen
You can run a lot of plays when your X is twice as big as the other guy's O.
Paul Westphal
American basketball player & coach
Basketball
Sports
One night we play like King Kong, the next night like Fay Wray.
Terry Kennedy
American baseball player & manager
Baseball
Sports
On the inconsistent San Diego Padres
Contrary to the old wives' tale that bloody-minded trainers put around, a little love-in before the main event can do you more good than a rub-down with
The Sporting Life.
John Conteh
English boxer
Boxing
Sex
Sports
This is the second most exciting indoor sport, and the other one shouldn't have spectators.
Dick Vertlieb
American sports executive
Activities
Basketball
Sports
It would have been worse if we hadn't blocked the kick after Toronto's second touchdown.
Alex Delvecchio
Canadian hockey player
Hockey
Sports
After a 13-0 defeat
Life is just a place where we spend time between games.
Fred Shero
(1925 – 1990) Canadian hockey player, coach & general manager
Hockey
Sports
They had us with the walls to our back.
Harvey Kuenn
professional baseball player & manage
Misspokements
Sports
Being traded is like celebrating your hundredth birthday… it might not be the happiest occasion in the world, but consider the alternative.
Joe Garagiola
(1926 – 2016) American baseball player, announcer & television host
Baseball
Sports
Being traded
When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
Henry Beard
(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of
National Lampoon
)
Golf
Sports
Water hazards
Being a decathlete is like having ten girlfriends. You have to love them all, and you can't afford losing one.
Daley Thompson
British Olympic decathlon champion
Misspokements
Sports
Decathlon
He's so strong, he doesn't call the cattle in… he carries them in.
Gordie Howe
(1928 – ) Canadian professional ice hockey player
Hockey
Sports
On Bobby Hull
One minute you're bleeding. The next minute you're hemorrhaging. The next minute you're painting the Mona Lisa.
David Feherty
(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf
Sports
Describing the ups and downs of a typical round of golf
One time I was forced to go to the doctors because of a sports accident… herpes.
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Health
Sports
Herpes
They look like two lobsters trying to mate.
David Feherty
(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf
Sports
Describing Tommy Gainey's grip using two gloves
Lefty Grove could throw a lamb chop past a wolf.
Arthur ‘Bugs’ Baer
(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Baseball
Sports
‘Lefty’ Grove
Pitching
I'd rather have an accident than fall in love – that's how much I love motor racing.
Lella Lombardi
Italian woman auto racer
Auto racing
Sports
He won the bronze medal in the 1976 Olympics so he’s used to being out in front.
David Coleman
(1926 – ) English sports commentator
Colemanballs
Misspokements
Sports
Cleveland is trying to win the championship and Detroit has one foot in Cancun.
Charles Barkley
(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball
Sports
Page 79 of 125
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