Subject: Sports (Page 79)

The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb; to be a back, you only have to be dumb.

(1888 – 1931) American football player & coach
Football Intelligence Sports Stupidity

Not everyone likes sports… Gandhi and Malcolm X come to mind.

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian
Sports

He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.

(1922 – ) boxing trainer & manager
Boxing Misspokements Sports

You can run a lot of plays when your X is twice as big as the other guy's O.

American basketball player & coach
Basketball Sports

One night we play like King Kong, the next night like Fay Wray.

American baseball player & manager
Baseball Sports

Contrary to the old wives' tale that bloody-minded trainers put around, a little love-in before the main event can do you more good than a rub-down with The Sporting Life.

English boxer
Boxing Sex Sports

This is the second most exciting indoor sport, and the other one shouldn't have spectators.

American sports executive
Activities Basketball Sports

It would have been worse if we hadn't blocked the kick after Toronto's second touchdown.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports

Life is just a place where we spend time between games.

(1925 – 1990) Canadian hockey player, coach & general manager
Hockey Sports

They had us with the walls to our back.

professional baseball player & manage
Misspokements Sports

Being traded is like celebrating your hundredth birthday… it might not be the happiest occasion in the world, but consider the alternative.

(1926 – 2016) American baseball player, announcer & television host
Baseball Sports

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Golf Sports

Being a decathlete is like having ten girlfriends. You have to love them all, and you can't afford losing one.

British Olympic decathlon champion
Misspokements Sports

He's so strong, he doesn't call the cattle in… he carries them in.

(1928 – ) Canadian professional ice hockey player
Hockey Sports

One minute you're bleeding. The next minute you're hemorrhaging. The next minute you're painting the Mona Lisa.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

One time I was forced to go to the doctors because of a sports accident… herpes.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Health Sports

They look like two lobsters trying to mate.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

Lefty Grove could throw a lamb chop past a wolf.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Baseball Sports

I'd rather have an accident than fall in love – that's how much I love motor racing.

Italian woman auto racer
Auto racing Sports

He won the bronze medal in the 1976 Olympics so he’s used to being out in front.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator
Colemanballs Misspokements Sports

Cleveland is trying to win the championship and Detroit has one foot in Cancun.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Sports