Subject: Things (Page 29)

If it falls off, it doesn't matter.

(1937 – 2014) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”
Autos Things

Chauffeur: A man who is smart enough to operate an automobile, but clever enough not to own one.

Autos Definitions Things

Antiques: Furniture that is too old for poor folks but the right age for rich people.

Definitions Things

I don't have any trouble parking; I drive a forklift.

(1948 – 1990) comedian
Autos Things

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Science/Weather Things

That which cannot be taken apart will fall apart.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers.

American computer programmer
Computers Occupations Things Work

The distance you have to park from your apartment increases in proportion to the weight of packages you are carrying.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one, so, I got a cake.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink Things

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? … one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.


Things

Women like jewelry; they’re like raccoons: show them some shiny stuff and they’ll follow you home.

(1962 – ) American comedian & actor
People Things Women

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55 MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the
 road an hour.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Science/Weather Things

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Girls People Things Women

The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Things

Every parent knows that for a kid, the car is chloroform.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Autos Children Family Things

I got a smoke alarm at home… but really it's more like a 9-volt-battery-slowly-drainer.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Things

Push something hard enough and it will fall over.

Murphy’s Laws Things

I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers… and he hates New York.


New York City Places Things

Saturday afternoon, although occurring at regular and well-foreseen intervals, always takes this railway by surprise.

(1836 – 1911) English dramatist, librettist, poet & illustrator
Problems Things

Never think of your car as a cold machine, but as a hot-blooded horse.

Argentinian auto racer
Auto racing Autos Sports Things

Twitter makes you like people you don’t know, and Facebook makes you hate people you do.

Murphy’s Laws Things