Subject: Time (Page 8)

When there are sufficient funds in the checking account, checks take two weeks to clear; when there are insufficient funds, checks clear overnight.

Money Murphy’s Laws Time

First Things First, but not necessarily in that order.

Murphy’s Laws Time

When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Things Time Travel

I do not object to people looking at their watches when I am speaking; but I strongly object when they start shaking them to make certain they are still going.

(1883 – 1962) British barrister, judge, politician & preacher
Communication Speech Time

On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.

(1962 – ) writer & journalist
Death People Time

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Speech Time

If a man smiles all the time he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Time Work

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Age Congress Government Time

History is a pack of lies we play on the dead.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
History Lies Time

I used to do drugs; I still do, but I used to, too.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Drugs Past

The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.

Murphy’s Laws Time

He asked me if I knew what time it was… I said, “Yes, but not right now.”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Time

Tradition is the illusion of permanence.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Situations Time

Delay is the deadliest form of denial.

Murphy’s Laws Time

Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.

(1932 – ) British novelist & journalist
Cooking Food/Drink Life Time

Dick Clark went to a psychic; she told him, in a previous life, he was Dick Clark.

comedian
Life Past Situations Time

When I was at school I was great at history… oh wait, no I wasn't.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Education History Learning Time

No project was ever completed on time and within budget.

Money Murphy’s Laws Time

Experience is what makes you pause briefly before going ahead and making the same mistake.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Mistakes Problems Situations Time

Punctuality is one of the cardinal business virtues: always insist on it in your subordinates.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Characteristics Time

The shortest measurable interval of time is the time between the moment one puts a little extra aside for a sudden emergency and the arrival of that emergency.

Money Murphy’s Laws Problems Time