Subject: Work

No man goes before his time… unless the boss leaves early.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Individuals People Time Work

If you do a job twice, it’s yours.

Murphy’s Laws Work

Baker: A person who kneads the dough.

Definitions Occupations

If they make it illegal to wear the veil at work, bee keepers are going to be furious.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Situations Work

The one time during the day you lean back and relax is the one time the boss walks by.

Murphy’s Laws Work

My first job consisted of me answering a phone… but it wasn't for me.

British comedian
Occupations Self Work

Simple jobs always get put off because there will be time to do them later.

Time Work

Retire? … I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Entertainment Old Work

1. You can't get anything without working for it.
2. The most you can accomplish by working is to break even.
3. You can only break even at absolute zero.

Money Murphy’s Laws Work

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Health People Self Work

In any human enterprise, work seeks the lowest hierarchical level.

Murphy’s Laws Work

Everybodyworks for the sales department

Murphy’s Laws Occupations Work

People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
America Places Work

The real reason I decided on show business was to avoid a day job.

(1963 – ) American actor, comedian, screenwriter & director
Entertainment Work

My career must be slipping… this is the first time I’ve been available to pick up an award.

(1933 – ) English actor
Success Work

The dubious privilege of a freelance writer is he’s given the freedom to starve anywhere.

(1904 – 1979) Jewish-American humorist, author & screenwriter
Occupations Work

I would not want to be a mobile home repo man… Knock knock… “Hi, would you go cut your grass and look that way for a half an hour?”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Occupations Work

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Doctors Health Work

1. Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
2. Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.
3. If at first you don't succeed, try something else.

Murphy’s Laws People Work

A trade unionist is someone who hates his job and is afraid someone will take it from him.

(1942 – ) British politician
Work

When I was a little boy, they called me a liar, but now that I am grown up, they call me a writer.

(1902 – 1991) Polish Jewish American author
Communication Lies Occupations Reading/Writing Work