Subject: Work » Occupations (Page 3)

The profession of a prostitute is the only career in which the maximum income is paid to the newest apprentice.

(1829 – 1912) British preacher who founded The Salvation Army
Occupations Work

In California everyone goes to a therapist, is a therapist , or is a therapist going to a therapist.

(1924 – 1984) American author
Occupations People Places Work

My girlfriend likes to play doctor; so I always make her wait 90 minutes before I see her.

(1952 – ) American comedian & actor
Occupations Sex

A critic is a man who knows the way but can’t drive the car.

(1927 – 1980) English theatre critic & writer
Communication Occupations Work

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Doctors Health Occupations

The only difference between a “hair stylist” and a regular barber is the price.

Occupations Work

Disc Jockey: A guy who lives on spins and needles.

Definitions Occupations

Four hundred bucks an hour for being sort of nice to sad people.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice actor
Doctors Health Money Occupations

When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me.

Matt Thompson (1965 – ) American comedian
Emotions Laughter Occupations Work

Statistician: A person who can draw a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. 

Definitions Occupations Science/Weather

Without drugs, I would have never got my job… selling drugs.


Activities Drugs Occupations Work

Taxidermist: A man who mounts animals.

Animals Definitions Occupations

If a scientist were to cut his ear off, no one would take it as evidence of a heightened sensibility.

(1915 – 1987) Brazilian/British biologist
Intelligence Occupations Science/Weather Work

I'm not an actor, and I enclose met press cuttings to prove it.

(1915 – 1999) American stage, film & television actor
Acting Occupations Work

When I was a kid I used to play doctor with this little girl in my neighborhood and one time we got caught… luckily, it was a Wednesday and we were just playing golf.

comedian
Doctors Occupations Work

Anybody who has any doubt about the ingenuity or the resourcefulness of a plumber never got a bill from one.

(1894 – 1980) American labor organizer
Occupations Work

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

(1913 – 1996) Hungarian mathematician
Occupations Science/Weather Work

 If you're a coach, NFL stands for "Not For Long."

professional football & TV commentator
Football Occupations Sports

I think that’s what they call professional courtesy.

(1897 – 1953) American writer & producer
Occupations

So the rule is, if you screw up just one too many job interviews, you become a stand-up comedian.

(1970 – ) American comedian & television game show host
Occupations Work

Economist: A man who knows more about money than the people who have it.

Definitions Occupations People