Subject: Work (Page 13)

I dedicate this show to my dad who was a roofer… so dad, if you’re up there…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

I used to work for a living, then I became an actor.

(1927 – ) English actor

Statistician: Someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

To err is human; to loaf, Parisian.

(1802 – 1885) French writer

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

In modern business it is not the crook who is to be feared most, it is the honest man who doesn't know what he is doing.

(1874 – 1962) American industrialist, lawyer & diplomat

Banker: A pawn broker with a manicure.

Experimental psychologist: A scientist who pulls habits out of rats.

(1904 – 1974) American author & radio producer

Every good idea sooner or later degenerates into hard work.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist

If you volunteer to do a task that nobody likes to do, you'll be expected to do it every time in the future.

Telemarketer: A minimum waged person who calls a bunch of people on a list to sell them something that they probably don’t need, and gets hung up on because the person being called usually has a mouth full of food.

Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them.

(1828 – 1910) Russian writer

What will get you promoted on one level will get you killed on another.

Critics are to authors what dogs are to lamp-posts.

(1945 – ) American author

Economist: A man who knows more about money than the people who have it.

If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.

(1922 – 1999) labor union leader, president of the AFL-CIO

Overall, I’d say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.

(1964 – ) English comedian

I was a trampoline salesman… off and on.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Authors want their names down in history; I want to keep the smoke coming out of the chimney.

(1918 – 2006) American writer

Job: A place where you work just hard enough to avoid getting fired while getting paid just enough to avoid quitting.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress